Day 140: Healing

 “Who touched Me?” Luke 8:45

“And wherever He went, He healed people of every sort of disease and illness. He felt great pity for the crowds that came, because their problems were so great and they didn't know where to go for help...” Matthew 9:35-36

I rarely think of God as a Physician, even though he is referenced as the great Physician and shows the power of His healing through Jesus. In my life, I have been fortunate enough to be rather healthy. I was raised in a home where I never had to go hungry, and for the most part I was raised in a mentally healthy environment.

I am incredibly blessed.

And so when I see other people who have not had the same experiences as me, it is hard for me to comprehend why. I know that God is good, and that suffering produces perseverance, but sometimes I wonder why people suffer the way that they do. But I've seen, and heard, from people who have been faithfully healed that they recognize God in the mess and in the brokenness of our lives.

And that is encouraging.

As I go through the motions of day to day life, I have never stopped to think how I need to be healed. I guess I see healing as something radical, like making the lame walk, and the blind see. I look for massive miracles, instead of looking inside of myself to see the ugly that needs to be fixed.

It's hard to break open the rib cage to poke at the heart below it. It's messy, and it hurts, but when I see others reach inside themselves I am encouraged to do the same.

God is showing me that it is okay to ask for healing, and to ask for healing in anything. It doesn't have to be something huge and grand. It can be as simple as praying when my lower back is in pain, or when my heart hurts because of the way someone said something to me.

God is in the business of healing whatever is broken in our lives, and so we need to examine what it is that we need fixed.

I need to look and see what I'm holding back from His grace.

I'm afraid of what I will find, but wait in expectation of true healing.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 139: With

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and he will be called Immanuel (meaning God with us).” Matthew 1:23

“...The Lord himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means 'God with us').” Isaiah 7:14

I've never been one to necessarily feel God with me. I've felt his presence, and power, but I think I often limit the amount of time I rest in Him, and with him.

I want to change that.

All around me, I see what He is doing in my life. Never before have I felt so alive in the moment that He has me in. I've never had more hope.

But, with that, I've never had more fear, and anxiety.

Do I have what it takes to accomplish all that He has set before me? Am I worthy of the call He has placed on my heart? Am I ready?

With Him, the answer is always yes. But the key is the with. I need to be with Him, taking in His direction for my life in the midst of my uncertainty.

I feel like I have been so distant from where I need to be, as far as digging into the roots of my relationship with God. In my mind, the desire is strong, but I long for it to make its way through my veins, and to my heart...I want it to become a life blood pulsing inside of me.

In this time of faith and doubt, from time to time, I will remember who He says He is, Immanuel, God with me.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 138: Servant = Hot & Holy!

In the past, when I've had crushes on people, or felt myself becoming interested in someone, I would causally mention it to my friends. They would react typically: giggle, want me to spill how I was feeling, and generally support me, even when sometimes I wonder why they did.

These days, I am in the presence of women who sincerely ask me:

Why?

Why do you like this man? What is it about him that has drawn you to him? What is it in his character that you find irresistible?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, they get deep.

And with all of these questions, my mind spun, as I was used to my other friends and their blind acceptance of my mindless crushing.

For the first time, I was being challenged to really examine why I liked someone, instead of the mere surface feeling of it all. I was being forced to really look at what it was about a man's character that would catch my attention.

And, with this challenge from my friends, I discovered that it is far easier to not have a crush on someone when you think in these terms. Sure, he is incredibly attractive, and is really nice, but how does he act when he is stressed out? How does he act when others are having a hard time?

How is he involved with helping humanity to flourish?

All these thoughts plagued my mind as I wrestled with what was truly important to me. And, at the center of it all (in complete agreement with my close friend that I was discussing this with), I came to the conclusion that at the heart of it, I am drawn to men who serve.

The capacity isn't necessarily a specific service, but to me it seems that a man who is willing to serve is also one that I wouldn't mind following and supporting in his mission. He also seems to be the man who would serve me on my mission as well, as we move toward the shared vision that we have.

And, if Jesus is irresistible to you, then this would make complete sense, because he came not to be served, but to serve. So, naturally, a man who serves is seeking to be like the God who made him, and to live faithfully in that image.

A servant is one who is selfless, and willing to lay down everything they have to do, in order to help someone else.

This isn't common, but it's beautiful.

And, although I discussed in my last blog that I don't believe I am anywhere near being in a relationship, I am satisfied knowing that I have a new found confidence in what I respect in a man, and what I admire most.

And, as I fall in love with my servant king, I pray that he shapes me into the same kind of servant that I so desperately hope to find in whoever he has for me.

Because there's nothing like two hearts that both beat to serve, and love Jesus.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 137: My Husband

When I was at the women's night of prayer this year, I received a name card for God, like all of the other women there. This year, the name I received was “my husband,” and immediately I knew what it was all about. In the verses that adorned the front, and back, of the card, the clear message from God was:

I am faithful. I am enough. I am all you need.

And I needed to hear that. In a society that tells you so often that you are nothing without money, status, or a significant other, it is always incredibly important to focus all of your attention on the one who has a plan for you: Jesus.

For the longest time, I have struggled with my focus. My brain was so scattered, and only a few precious minutes were designated for the one who created me. I crammed the rest of my time with friends, unhealthy thoughts, and extra activities.

I looked for time with God, but didn't make it. And that, my friends, makes all the difference.

We can't take time for God unless we make it. There will never be time to spend with Him unless we put him first before that movie, or facebook, or that friend, or that guy that you are all about.

He is sufficient.

He is enough.

“'In that day,' declares the LORD, 'you will call me my husband...'” Hosea 2:16

“I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as LORD.” Hosea 2:19-20.

These verses were so convicting because I haven't been looking to Jesus for my sustenance, or even for my worth. I carelessly let others define who I was, and in the process I hurt myself more than I could imagine.

I am on the road, now, to regain that confidence that comes from knowing Christ. For a while, I thought I was ready to welcome a relationship in my life, but God has clearly shown me that He wants me first, and that He will be (and has already proved to be) faithful, and will show me righteousness, justice, and unfailing love.

There is no one on this earth that can give me all of that. And there certainly isn't a man who could do that.

I'm looking forward to getting lost in Jesus all over again. Lord knows I need it :)

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 136: The Word

“So the Word became human and lived here on earth among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness.” john 1:14

“Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise...” Colossians 3:16

The bottom line is that I'm not in the Word enough. Nowhere near enough, nowhere near what I should be. I am a wreck so often, and the solution is so simple. Am I seeing what God has to say about this...what He has to say about that? What He has to say about my thought life? How he feels when I act out my selfish desires?

Everything is grounded in the word. And, because of this, I wonder why it's so hard for so many of us, myself definitely included, to see that it is life giving. I feel like a huge struggle for many people I talk with is the issue of reading the bible enough. For me, this struggle is rooted in the fact that so often I feel like I know what God says in His word about many things, and so I lose a hunger for the very food I should be living off of.

I have seen my errors, and somewhat learned from them, but I still desire a more intimate want of the word. I know that it is a two edged sword, powerful and strong, but sometimes I just treat it like a book, like an inanimate object that is fortunate enough to be in my life.

And isn't that sometimes how we treat God?

I feel like it's very possible to tell someone's heart for God based on how they feel about his word, and how actively they are pursuing it. Chances are, if you're not pursuing his word and what he has to say, you're probably not really pursuing Him, either.

I'm not trying to chastise anyone, or call anyone out, and if I was, I would be the first person on my list. But, really, when it comes down to it, those people that you see who are so head over heels in love with God, are firmly rooted in his word. They are the people who pray out of the word, and who are so quick with a timely word from the Lord.

And I also believe that going to the word is the quickest way to come to the feet of Jesus. Raw, unfiltered, the bible tells the very real stories of our lives, and elaborates on our need for redemption, and a savior.

God is showing me that when I feel far away from Him, I am generally far from his word, and lost in whatever shiny thing the world has dangling before me.

I don't want to be caught up in the shimmer of this world.

I need to be caught up in the hope, and truth, of His word.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 135: Lord

“'Yes Lord,' the man said, 'I believe!' And he worshipped Jesus.” John 9:38

“And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” Mark 12: 30

When I think of LORD, I think of Yahweh. I think of a mighty creator God. The one who moves mountains, is jealous, and declares what is good.

I think of someone I wouldn't mind following.

Someone I want to give my life to.

A couple months back, Phil was giving a sermon and said this about Jesus: “If He's not Lord of all, He's not Lord at all.” That still resonates me. And, even though it's one of those hip Christian catch phrases, that doesn't make it any less true.

In my life, there are so many things I hold tight in my little fists. Yes, Lord, you can have whatever is around me, and beside me, but I want to hold on to these things in my own hands. I don't want to let these things go.

After all, what will you do with them?

That is how my life usually goes. And, day by day, I try to figure out how to open my hands, put my palms up and surrender.

I even went so far as to get a tattoo to remind me of that surrender, daily, minute by minute and hour by hour.

Today, I spent a lot of time thinking about where I am, and how I came to be here. I thought of what I did give to God, and what I refused...and somewhat still refuse..to give Him.

I realized that it goes deeper than appearances...that to make Him Lord of all means giving him our hearts, thoughts, and feelings. Everything.

I know that I am not alone in this, and I know that He has good for me. Lord, help me to remember that what you have is better than anything I could make up, or try to selfishly keep.

Help me to make you Lord of all.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 134: Strong Tower

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous runs into it and is safe.” Proverbs 18: 10

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.” Psalm 91: 1-2

How often is the LORD your strong tower? How often is He your place of refuge, rest, and safety? How much do you give to Him before giving to the world, and the people all around you? How is it that even though we know we are safe in His arms, we still seek to find comfort in the arms of others?

In a society where social media could be a metaphor for oxygen, the desire for an authentic relationship with God seems to be scarce. Sure, we say we want to know Him more, but do we? What in our lives is saying that we really do.

When I look at my own life, I sometimes see a sad shell of what I wish it would be.

I wish I would spend more time in the word than on facebook.

I wish I would spend more time in fellowship than watching shows on hulu.

I wish I would spend more time serving than going out to eat, watch a show, or seeking to gratify my own, mostly selfish, desires.

I think there is a feeling of insecurity on so many levels today, especially for my generation. We want community, and thrive on social interaction, but we often lack what is necessary to foster a deep connection with each other, and that is...a deep connection with Jesus.

How often do I forget that He is my strong tower, a place of refuge, the only one who gives me my identity. I am not founded in facebook, or established on hulu. I am not held accountable to the places I choose to go for entertainment.

I am founded in Him, established in Him, and held accountable to His word.

But, I barely live like that.

Because I barely make Him a priority, and I hardly seek to actively trust him. All of this is happening because of my deep devotion to other areas of my life.

And that has to end.

Like a moth to a flame, I find myself attracted to what the world has for me, and specifically what the world says about me. I see the world as my refuge, and place of comfort and safety. And, perhaps, that is why I am let down so often.

He is my strong tower, refuge, safety. He is the one who can calm the storms.

To him I will turn to praise.

Goodbye unhealthy friendship, goodbye facebook, goodbye dependency and self loathing.

I am safe in Him. Praise Jesus!!!

In Christ,

Lilia