Day 10: Our God is Greater

 

I just watched Paranormal Activity 3...and it was scary!

I will admit, I am a lightweight when it comes to scary movies, but I think I like this movie so much because it is so normal, if that's the right word. I guess I mean that this movie doesn't rely on blood and gore, but is genuinely frightening mostly because of its suspense. It also relies on something we don't see causing a ruckus, as opposed to some homicidal maniac with a knife and some traumatic childhood, which caused them to be that way.

Of course, after watching this movie, I started thinking about demon possession. Some that I talk to are quick to write this type of thing off, and usually most Christians that I interact with are quick to ignore this kind of stuff, chalking it up to the fact that God is stronger and overcomes. And they are absolutely right in the fact that God is stronger, and in the end is victorious.

However, it needs to be recognized that spiritual warfare is real. The devil is real.

I think it's important to know your adversary, and to recognize his character: the devil is a liar, and like a lion seeking to devour. Many times, I know I make the devil out to be some weak person, but then I look at my life and see how, through my sin, I fall into his schemes time and time again.

Thank God for the gospel and the good news!

Jesus' authority is superior to the devil, and to his demons. All over the gospels, stories are scattered about Jesus driving out demons, and how his authority is supreme. My favorite story about Jesus ridding a man of some demonic presence is found in both Luke and Mark's gospels; it is the story about Jesus casting the demons into swine, and the swine drowning themselves.

The crazy part about this story is that Jesus is so powerful that He was able to rid this man of not only one demon, but a legion of them that resided within him. And not only was He powerful enough to drive them out, but He was strong enough to send them into swine and into the sea.

So, after watching a movie like Paranormal Activity 3, I am reminded that evil exists, and is real in our world. I am reminded that spiritual warfare is happening even if we aren't aware. But most importantly, I am reminded the Jesus overcomes and that all demons are subject to His authority.

And so in Him I put my comfort.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 9: Be A Light!

Tonight I experienced my first, ever, Portland Halloween.

And what an adventure it was!

I really didn't want to go out tonight. I wasn't feeling good, but also I just don't really like to go out. I have had problems in the past with those types of situations, but I felt confident in my path now and decided to go for it. Also, my roommate and I were supposed to be Mario and Luigi, and I didn't want to live my sister high and dry :)

We headed to Thirsty Lion Pub in Portland and just hung out. It was awesome. I had a beer and ate some buffalo wings and was fascinated by my discovery that eating and drinking can be difficult with a mustache...why do men like them?!

We enjoyed dancing to amazing hits from the '80s and '90s from a live band, and I was quite smitten to be with my friends even though I was quite literally sweating off my mustache.

The best part of the night, though, was recognizing how much God has done in my life. Before, I used to feel a need to drink a certain amount, or dress a certain way. Now, I'm comfortable in my identity in Christ. I'm okay with just one drink, and I don't feel bad about having that one drink either. I also don't need to dress a certain way to get people's attention, which is probably the saddest part about Halloween for the most part.

I also recognized my desire to go home earlier. I know I'm getting older, but I also believe that it is because although it's fun to be out with friends, the Lord has begun to place greater discernment in my life. He is teaching and showing me how to make decisions as He would make them. I'm learning to not give way to what the world has, but also not to be a slave to legalism, which pervades some Christian thinking.

God is teaching me that I can be a light wherever I am. And, although that doesn't mean that I need to wander around in the dark in order to do so, He is showing me that I don't just have to shine when I am around other Christians, but that I can do so in Portland, on Halloween, and on any other day.

As long as I am living for Him, I know that I'm living right.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 8: Work is Good

Today was a long work day. I started at 10:45 and ended at 7:30. It was almost non-stop for the entire time I was there...AND I wore heels, silly me! Amidst the chaos that is retail, and the stress that started to weigh me down, I found myself satisfied after a day's work. Yes, I was tired, but there was a sense of accomplishment.

It reminded me that work is good, which is something that God has been teaching me...perhaps not overtly, but through my recent experiences.

In Genesis 3, after the fall, God curses the ground which Adam works:

“Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat food from it
all the days of your life.
It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.
By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return.” Genesis 3: 17-19

Clearly it refers to only the ground, but I've heard many times that some take from this that God is cursing work, which is simply not true. God created work before the fall, to give Adam (and eventually, Eve) purpose:

"The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it." Genesis 2: 15

God created work as a good thing, along with the rest of His creation. And, He is showing me that even if I'm not happy with the work that I am doing, He is doing something through me and my work to glorify His kingdom.

I'm glad He knows what He's doing :)

In Christ,



Lilia

Day 7: He is Faithful to Me

At this time last year, my life was in ruins. I had just ended a relationship of almost two years and found myself living with my ex boyfriend because neither of us could realistically leave our living situation without severely hurting ourselves financially.

I've never been so in touch with my sin. Every day was a reminder of the choice I made when I placed myself in that relationship, and put myself in that living situation. I felt the pain that I brought upon myself, and that I brought upon my boyfriend at the time. I saw how our breakup nearly destroyed him, and that image is burned in my memory.

It was a dark time. I knew I had walked away from the Lord, deliberately, and now I wondered if there was going back. How could I? How could He? Forgiveness seemed so out of the question.

Oh me of so little faith.

This morning, I read through my daily chronological reading plan that I am doing, and I read one line in a psalm that spoke volumes to me. Until now, I wasn't sure what to blog about, but when I prayed and then clicked on the reading again (to refresh my memory) that same line of the psalm was on my screen, highlighted. So, here it is:

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.” Psalm 116:7

This verse resonates in so many ways, but for me it really speaks of God's faithfulness and His goodness. A year ago, I was lost, confused, and incredibly unhappy. I was always uneasy in my decisions and was doubtful of what my future held.

And now, a year later, I am renewed in my faith, centered on Christ and actively working to serve the community He has given me. In one year, I have been encouraged and restored by the creator of the universe. He has allowed me to go from a part time position to a full time position at my job (which is amazing, because I am the only full time sales associate and they created that position for me), and He's allowed me to transition from assistant coach to head coach for the girl's lacrosse team that I work with.

It's not what I imagined for myself, or even what I wanted necessarily, but it's worth it because it's from the Lord. I'm not consumed with worrying about my future (don't get me wrong, I still get anxious sometimes about what He has for me) because ultimately I know that if I'm walking with Him, I am where I need to be.

The funny thing is, that when I think about the pain that I was in a year ago, it seems like it was ages ago. But that's how God is. When you come back to Him, the changes are so evident that you fall right back into His grace and it feels like you never left. He is the type of father who holds nothing against you, but welcomes you back, with love, into His pasture.

My God is faithful, and gives me rest for my soul.

In all of this, He's not only teaching me that He is good, but He's taking the time to show me how He is good. And I love Him for that.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 6: To Love A Child

 

When I think of my passion, I think of teaching. Before I knew the Lord, I had all of my plans set. I was going to get my degree in English, a Masters in Teaching, and become a high school English teacher. I had direction, determination, and desire.

And I managed to do all of that, except for the last part.

So, here I am, working a job in retail.

All dressed up, in a sense, with nowhere to go.

And, although I'm finding it difficult to remain at my current job (which I'm sure will become a blog unto itself), I'm more importantly noticing that although I believe God's calling on my life remains the same (to be a teacher), I feel like He is shifting my direction, and I don't know how I feel about it.

But mostly, I'm excited.

When I was earning my Master's degree I was so sure of what I wanted, and who I wanted to work with: high school students. I reasoned that my brain wouldn't be able to handle breaking concepts down for elementary aged students, and that anyone who considered teaching in middle school should be canonized as a saint.

So, of course, here God is creating a desire to work with children in my heart.

He would.

And He has.

Before going to Haiti, I never considered really working with younger children. I had toyed with the idea of serving in the children's ministry at Solid Rock, but I never felt true discernment from God on that subject, so of course...I put it off.

How relevant, then, was Haiti for me. I was able to enjoy the experience of working with children without any filter from my actual life. I encountered raw poverty, and saw resilience and wisdom in those children that I rarely saw from juniors and seniors that I have taught in the states. I saw a beautiful innocence that is calloused by the time I meet high school students, their years of discovery and wonder having already given way to texting, gossip, and Farmville.

Today, at the 6:30 am gathering for Seven, on the West Side, the subject of prayer was children. We prayed for children in the city, the children at Solid Rock, and the children on our hearts (as for me, I prayed for my siblings, students, and children in Haiti). We also prayed for foster parents, teachers, and parents who are to be living examples of Christ to any child they encounter.

Of course, the scripture that Bucky shared was this:

“Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 18:14

And how amazing is this scripture, and this concept? We are not to hinder the children from the kingdom of heaven because the kingdom belongs to such as these! While we were in Haiti, one of the most powerful experiences was watching the children in Sunday school pray. They offered to pray for my family, and did so with full expectation that the Lord would not only hear, but listen.

And, although all of the thoughts in this entry seem to have come together so nicely, it wasn't until I arrived home at nearly 11pm tonight that I discovered what I would write about. And here's how it happened:

Three days ago, my dear friend Meg gave me an envelope with what I assumed was a letter inside. I was surprised and excited by this thoughtful woman, and placed the envelope in my purse. Being the busy, and easily sidetracked, girl that I am, the letter sat there for three days, and although I wanted to read it, I never quite got around to it.

Thank the Lord, because it confirmed what I was feeling today, which is that God is teaching me to love the little children with His heart. I've had it in my mind that I could only relate to teaching high school aged kids, and that it was a stretch with middle schoolers, but the Lord has created in me a new heart for loving on children.

I discovered it in Haiti, and I am cultivating it here by working in the Children's ministry. I am so enamored with what the Lord is teaching me in this area and how He has completely softened my heart to the little ones that are so ready and hungry for His word and love. And, if this is not enough, He has given me a strong desire to one day be a mother, which is something that I had always thought of more as an obligation than a joy.

As I mentioned before, I was always the girl with direction and goals. I was the girl who wasn't going to let a guy, or relationship, “get in the way” of what I needed to do. I was independent, or the other word for it...selfish. God has freed me of that way of thinking, and although He encourages me to follow the passions that He has given me, He has also shown me the beauty in children and has created an honest desire in me to not only be a mother, but to first be a wife.

Even writing that in a blog is difficult. The thought of being someone's wife has always been on the fringe of my thinking, and never quite central in my thoughts. But, now that the Lord has instilled such a deep love for children on my heart, the thought of being a wife is never far behind. And, although these desires are deep within my heart and soul, I trust God with them, knowing that His ways are higher than mine.

When we were in Haiti, a little girl asked us why we loved children. My beautiful friend Nicole answered that we love children because we admire their child like faith, which Jesus said that every person who follows Him should have.

And that really is what God is teaching me...not only to love children because they are a most precious creation, and because one day I hope to be a mother and a wife, but to love them because their faith in God is the type of faith that He desires from all of us.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 5: Accepting Affirmation

So, today I was uber (yeah, I just said uber) excited to blog about what I learned in bible study. I was going to write the outline that was given to me about the gospel as it is spoken by Peter in Acts 2 and la dee da dee da.

And then, BOOM!

Plans change.

God speaks.

And that, my friends, is why we schedule in pencil and not pen.

Today was a day of “rest” for me which, if you're American, means doing everything that you can't do on a day when you are working your actual job. I ran errands, cleaned my room, and did some laundry. Then, out of the blue, I received a text message from a friend. This is what it said:

“Hey, I've been blessed by your blog a few times already and it's only day four. You're a beautiful woman of God, and He's going to use you, if you let him. You, my friend, truly are a beauty from ashes. The good news is, those are his favorite kind.”

I was completely caught off guard by this text, and usually I would feel uncomfortable. I am one of those people that hates receiving any semblance of praise, and usually I am better motivated by demotivation (think of a hard nosed coach to an athlete). But, I immediately responded in gratitude and thanks, because I remembered something that I learned in Haiti.

Affirmation.

I had never experienced anything like the affirmations that we gave in Haiti. It was unnerving at first to have someone compliment me, but then it became comforting to know that we were not merely giving each other praise, but we were giving praise to the presence of God that we saw in one another.

So, my thoughts for today's blog rest in the idea that God is teaching me how to be comfortable with people acknowledging how they see Him in me.

Often times it's easy to get caught up in the mentality that our righteousness is nothing but filthy rags (as my roommate's mother used to put it), but we need to remember that a brother or sister in Christ's affirmation gives truth to the fact that the only good thing in us is God.

Treasure His goodness in you, and let your light shine.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 4: Friendship From Ashes

I am not naturally a person who forgives easily. When I am hurt, it is in my nature to completely erase whoever hurt me from my thoughts and mind. I've never necessarily been a vengeful person, or tried to maintain an eye for an eye mentality. I've always just focused on eradicating my life of people who have sincerely wronged me in any way.

But, as I know now, that is unacceptable to the God I serve. God has taught me, and has reminded me today, how important it is to forgive people...even those who have hurt us in remarkable ways.

I have been blessed in my life to not have had many experiences in which I've been severely hurt by people. But, because of that, when I am hurt, it has a way of lingering.

This past week, I had the opportunity to reconnect with a friend after returning from Haiti. We talked about my trip, how it went, and about what God brought to my attention and how He radically changed my perspective on things. Today, we also chatted about how challenging it is to do what God asks of us sometimes, and also how important it is to come back to God and to fall in love with Him before attempting to do anything else with our lives.

At the end of the conversation, my friend thanked me for being a good friend, and told me how much he truly appreciated my friendship. He does this fairly often, and every time he says it, I realize how great God is.

I say this because this person hurt me, and I would not be friends with him if God had not radically changed my life and my heart.

In short, I fell for this man. I thought he was an answered prayer, and that he would be everything I had hoped for in someone. I was encouraged and excited for what this could become. I felt God molding and shaping me into someone willing to commit, and someone open to being vulnerable in a relationship. I knew that God had renewed my heart and I had every hope of inviting this man into it.

And then everything fell apart.

Soon after really getting to know each other, and after one specific experience, it all came crashing down. I was alone, and I felt betrayed by someone I had grown to trust and even respect. So I did what I always do. I deleted this man from my phone, my facebook, and essentially my life. But I knew that I still had feelings for him, and so I maintained a fractured relationship with him, giving him more than he deserved, and ruining my self esteem.

I felt God reaching for me, but I chose to stand just outside of his grasp. I was hoping for a miracle, for this man to feel for me like he had felt before. But, instead he seemed to want physicality instead of closeness, and fleeting kisses instead of emotional intimacy. I gave in a time or two, and although I maintained my physical purity, I felt emotionally and spiritually raw.

Even scarred.

And so I stepped away. But he wouldn't let me (and I wouldn't let myself), really, and we resorted to falling back into friendship over short texts, or phone calls.

And then I left for Haiti, and that is when God completely restored me.

I returned to Oregon, and to this friendship, and found that this man is now finding how much he needs Jesus. And, although he knows the Lord, he is realizing that he needs to fall back in love with the creator of the universe before he can think of doing anything else in life.

And that is beautiful.

So, in the midst of this story, God has renewed a friendship from ashes, and has taught me how important it is to not only to forgive, but to love those who are and have been my enemies. I know that it won't always work out like this, and that not all those who wrong me will become a great friend, but I do know that I am called to love everyone regardless of their feelings or actions towards me. And, of course, the scripture that came to mind for this lesson from God is this:

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

I've always heard this verse, but only now do I feel like I am really understanding it. I love my friend with the love that God has given me, and I forgive him because I have been forgiven. Grace and mercy are found in love, and I am so grateful that Jesus came to show me what it's all about.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 3: Counting It All Joy

God's lesson for me today was apparent from the moment I saw my new friend, Kade. I am blessed with the opportunity to work with him in the children's ministry at Solid Rock and I met him for the first time today.

I knew immediately that he would change my life.

What struck me most about Kade, who is in the k-1^st grade group, was his obvious JOY. He reminded me of the children I met in Haiti whose joy was so obvious and contagious. His joy reminded me of God's goodness and made me want to sing praises to the Lord for his affection and love.

Littered throughout the Psalms, we are called to joy, whether it is something we request from the Lord (Psalm 86: 4), or something that the Lord blesses us with because He is good (Psalm 126: 3), or that we are called to shout for because of God's love and faithfulness to us (Psalm 33; 71). Yet, even though we are called to joy, and constantly shown why we should rejoice in the Lord, I rarely see joy that is obvious and authentic.

Watching and listening to Kade, though, changed all of this for me. I saw a child who was so joyful just to be alive, and to be with other people. A child who asked me how I was doing and really meant it, who wanted to meet everyone and anyone, and who was willing to give hugs wherever they would be accepted.

But in a moment, I found myself filled with sadness as I held this sweet boy in my arms. I remembered why I was there to help, why I was specifically brought to work with this blessing from the Lord.

I remembered that Kade had cerebral palsy.
But, more importantly, I remembered how un-joyful my thoughts were going into this situation.

It wasn't that I wasn't happy or joyful to work with Kade, it was that I was worried, and even fearful that I wouldn't be prepared to work with him.  What if he didn't like me?  What if he threw a fit because of something I did?  What if I was a disappointment to him?  Instead of being joyful at what the Lord was preparing me for, and trusting in Him, I was worried about the influence that I would have over a child who I expected to be so obviously vulnerable.

And then it hit me.

I am the one who is so obviously vulnerable. Why do I need to worry when I know that God is in control? Why am I not rejoicing at the opportunity to help and serve? In that moment I remembered why I was there in the first place. I wasn't there to be perfect, or to try and be the best one-on-one worker that Solid Rock has ever seen.  I realized that I was there to show Kade the love and service that Jesus himself would've shown him, and to remind him how true it is that God is faithful and that God loves him.

I am certain that God brought Kade into my life to not only remind me to be joyful, but to show me what joy embodied looks like. I am grateful for the treasure that Kade is, and am so excited for what the Lord has in store for the both of us.  Kade is not only full of joy, but is a daily reminder to count it all joy even when the world says otherwise. 

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 2: To Pray Without Ceasing

There is no doubt in my mind that the weakest part of my walk with the Lord is my prayer life.
So...really...what else is better to blog about?

For me, prayer has always been something that I've done out of necessity, and it seems to be a widespread phenomena. As John Mark likes to call it, we treat God as a “cosmic vending machine,” and are comfortable asking for whatever we want, almost like demanding and spoiled children. When I was growing up, this was my style, asking God to give me things, or...more commonly...to get me out of things. 

Oh, how far He has brought me, and how much He has taught me.

In Haiti, I encountered a significant change in my prayer life. I experienced what I can only describe as an authentic time with God in which He showed me not only how to pray, but how to pray earnestly, honestly, and in community. Gone were the prayers for rainbows, unicorns, and warm fuzzy feelings. I learned to pray with my brothers and sisters, and the power was obvious. 

Empty, demanding, prayers were replaced with open and honest prayers for God to radically change each one of our lives, as well as the lives of the people in Haiti, Portland, and around the world. I saw specificity and determination in prayer, not superficial and lazy generalizations. I saw people with bowed heads and outstretched arms, praising the Lord and actually believing that He not only hears, but that He listens.

I saw people who believed that after they prayed, they lived in a changed world. And that was beautiful.

In 1 Thessalonians 5, Paul solidifies the necessity of prayer when he tells us: 

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thess. 5: 16-18


And this is my prayer for you, and for me. Make time to pray. As often as we breathe, let us pray. Let us send up words to the Lord, to talk to Him, to praise Him, to bring our happiness, tears, and laughter to Him.

Pray in community as Jesus did, and pray alone as Jesus did. But most importantly, pray openly and honestly as Jesus did. Pray with determination and hope. Pray knowing the the God of the universe is not only hearing, but He is listening.

He listens and He answers, but we must come forward to speak.


In Christ,
Lilia

Day 1: Peace, Gentleness, and Doing What Is Good

 When I first thought about what I was going to write today, I panicked. Do I have to wait until the end of the day to make sure that I'm really catching what God has taught me today? How do I pick just one thing that He has revealed to me? What if I screw this up? What if I have nothing to say? Oh, the questions were endless...the excuses plentiful, so here I am sitting on my bed, bible open & earphones in.

And I think I've got it.  Or, should I say, He's got it. 

Today, God brought to my mind what He has been working on teaching me for a while:  to live peaceably with all people, being gentle toward everyone.

In Titus, Paul writes:

“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.”  Titus 3:1-8

This is so MY story. This past year, I have been deeply hurt by people that I cared about, and thought so highly of. I wasn't sure how to react, and of course I turned to anger, as Paul writes about. I hated these people for what they had done to me, and it scared me to feel so intensely.  I wanted nothing to do with them, and I definitely didn't want to be gentle with them or live peaceably with them.

And then He stepped in, and reminded me of His mercy. I remembered everything that I had ever done to other people in the past, how I was foolish, disobedient, and enslaved by a slew of passions and desires. And, of course, I remembered that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me.

Every day, God teaches me how important it is to live in peace with everyone, to be gentle, and to devote myself to doing what is good. Often times I get stuck on the idea that I must boldly proclaim the gospel everywhere I go, whether people want to hear it or not, and I forget that the greatest thing I can do for the kingdom is to live a changed life and share it with other people.  The gospel is what saves, but a changed life that testifies to the source of it's change is what draws people in.

I am called to be a witness, and with that comes the need to do what is good while living in peace, being gentle, and showing love to anyone that God graces my life with.

He is good to me,

Lilia

365 days of learning

Lately, I've been learning.  A lot.  Like...whoa.

And, although God is a great teacher, and teaches me things daily, I often acknowledge Him in quick praise because I find myself so "busy," even though I really desire to soak in that learning and to devour everything that He is taking the time to offer to me.

Today, I experienced one of these learning moments, and I thought to myself:  "I know God teaches me something every day...so why don't I keep track of it?"  I love to write, and I used to blog on a regular basis, but lately I've been stuck in a rut trying to figure out what is worth writing about consistently.

And then this whole idea fell on my heart:

365 days of blogging about what God teaches me each day.
An entire year of sharing, with anyone who cares, what God is teaching me.

But, of course, in good "Hawaiian Time" fashion, I will start this blog...tomorrow ;)
Please pray for me, and keep me accountable.  I will think of this as my journal that everyone can read, but I am excited to track all of the lessons that the Lord takes His precious time to teach me.


In Christ,
Lilia