Day 4: Friendship From Ashes

I am not naturally a person who forgives easily. When I am hurt, it is in my nature to completely erase whoever hurt me from my thoughts and mind. I've never necessarily been a vengeful person, or tried to maintain an eye for an eye mentality. I've always just focused on eradicating my life of people who have sincerely wronged me in any way.

But, as I know now, that is unacceptable to the God I serve. God has taught me, and has reminded me today, how important it is to forgive people...even those who have hurt us in remarkable ways.

I have been blessed in my life to not have had many experiences in which I've been severely hurt by people. But, because of that, when I am hurt, it has a way of lingering.

This past week, I had the opportunity to reconnect with a friend after returning from Haiti. We talked about my trip, how it went, and about what God brought to my attention and how He radically changed my perspective on things. Today, we also chatted about how challenging it is to do what God asks of us sometimes, and also how important it is to come back to God and to fall in love with Him before attempting to do anything else with our lives.

At the end of the conversation, my friend thanked me for being a good friend, and told me how much he truly appreciated my friendship. He does this fairly often, and every time he says it, I realize how great God is.

I say this because this person hurt me, and I would not be friends with him if God had not radically changed my life and my heart.

In short, I fell for this man. I thought he was an answered prayer, and that he would be everything I had hoped for in someone. I was encouraged and excited for what this could become. I felt God molding and shaping me into someone willing to commit, and someone open to being vulnerable in a relationship. I knew that God had renewed my heart and I had every hope of inviting this man into it.

And then everything fell apart.

Soon after really getting to know each other, and after one specific experience, it all came crashing down. I was alone, and I felt betrayed by someone I had grown to trust and even respect. So I did what I always do. I deleted this man from my phone, my facebook, and essentially my life. But I knew that I still had feelings for him, and so I maintained a fractured relationship with him, giving him more than he deserved, and ruining my self esteem.

I felt God reaching for me, but I chose to stand just outside of his grasp. I was hoping for a miracle, for this man to feel for me like he had felt before. But, instead he seemed to want physicality instead of closeness, and fleeting kisses instead of emotional intimacy. I gave in a time or two, and although I maintained my physical purity, I felt emotionally and spiritually raw.

Even scarred.

And so I stepped away. But he wouldn't let me (and I wouldn't let myself), really, and we resorted to falling back into friendship over short texts, or phone calls.

And then I left for Haiti, and that is when God completely restored me.

I returned to Oregon, and to this friendship, and found that this man is now finding how much he needs Jesus. And, although he knows the Lord, he is realizing that he needs to fall back in love with the creator of the universe before he can think of doing anything else in life.

And that is beautiful.

So, in the midst of this story, God has renewed a friendship from ashes, and has taught me how important it is to not only to forgive, but to love those who are and have been my enemies. I know that it won't always work out like this, and that not all those who wrong me will become a great friend, but I do know that I am called to love everyone regardless of their feelings or actions towards me. And, of course, the scripture that came to mind for this lesson from God is this:

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

I've always heard this verse, but only now do I feel like I am really understanding it. I love my friend with the love that God has given me, and I forgive him because I have been forgiven. Grace and mercy are found in love, and I am so grateful that Jesus came to show me what it's all about.

In Christ,

Lilia