Day 41: Vulnerable

To be vulnerable isn't easy.

It isn't fun, and so often we fail to see why it's necessary. Our problems are our problems, so we wonder why we should open up to other people. And then of course the same thing always comes to mind:

what will they think of me?

I love that God is so able to overcome that thinking and resist the lies that make us think that we need to keep our hurt and struggles to ourselves.

Tonight, our “impromptu” House Church was an intentional blessing. God knew that so many of us needed community, and He provided as usual.  I saw raw beauty in the vulnerability of the women I prayed with.  It was encouraging, and something I desperately needed.

Lately, Psalm 77 has been on my mind, and I think it's sticking there because it is a reminder of God's faithfulness even in the middle of our trials and discontent. I know that I need so much to remember what He has done for me in order to hope in what He does have for me in the future. 

Praise God for teaching me that it is okay to be vulnerable, and His promise to work out good for those who are willing to give, and bare, their lives to Him.

I just want to end this entry with Psalm 77...a reminder that no matter where we are, He is faithful, and that our vulnerability is a gift from God.

Psalm 77

 1 I cried out to God for help;
   I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
   at night I stretched out untiring hands,
   and I would not be comforted.
 3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
   I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
   I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
   the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
   My heart meditated and my spirit asked:
 7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
   Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
   Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
   Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
 10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
   the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
   yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
   and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
 13 Your ways, God, are holy.
   What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
   you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
   the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
 16 The waters saw you, God,
   the waters saw you and writhed;
   the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
   the heavens resounded with thunder;
   your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
   your lightning lit up the world;
   the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
   your way through the mighty waters,
   though your footprints were not seen.
 20 You led your people like a flock
   by the hand of Moses and Aaron.









In Christ,






Lilia

Day 40: Honor the Sacrifice

Oftentimes, sharing out faith isn't necessarily easy. We sometimes wonder if we are offending people, and we worry of what they will think of us.

Usually, we care more about what people will think of us than what God will think of us, and there is something definitely wrong with that picture.

Today, I was able to make it to morning bible study, which is ALWAYS a blessing straight from God, and we finished up the epistles with the last half of the book of Jude.

We focused on how we need to focus on the word of God so that we are not distracted by everything that is there for us in the world.

To keep it short, the piece of the message that stood out to me the most were the following verses:

“But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.” Jude 1: 20-23


I think I was hit the most with this because I know people who know that I'm a Christian and who don't believe what I believe. I know people who respect my faith, people who are apathetic about it, and people who downright despise it. And a lot of the time, I wonder what to do. God outlines it perfectly here when He shows that we are called to build ourselves up in faith and prayer as we wait for the mercy of Christ. BUT, in that time we are called to be merciful, watching out for our brothers, and sisters, who know the Lord, but may not be tracking with Him all the time. We are also called to pull others from the fire and to show mercy, mixed with fear, to others...hating even the appearance of the sin in the world.


What God taught me is that we are called to walk in prayer and build up our faith SO THAT we can go out and share what we know through mercy, compassion, and an honest desire to save people in this world. He did not come merely to die, but to save through sacrifice.


We need to take that sacrifice seriously, and reach into the lives of the lost as He call us to.




In Christ,






Lilia

Day 39: Father Knows Best

Today was another reminder of how sovereign God really is.

He gives, AND takes away. We need to remember that it is for our good that He does this. He is pruning and shaping us, enabling us to grow.

HE is the vine, WE are the branches.

Let us not forget what gives us life.

Recently, a few of my friends ended relationships within a couple weeks of returning home from Haiti. We joke that maybe there was something in the water, but as tough as it is to comprehend, it seems like God's plan was manifesting itself in a somewhat painful way. In that week of seeking the Lord, confirmations were made, or perhaps seeds were planted, of what God's plan really was for each of us, as opposed to the plans we always seem to create for ourselves.

He stripped us, in a sense, of what was comforting...or maybe what was drawing us away from His plan. What was crazy, though, was the seeming amicable nature of these separations. While not easy, God's protection was apparent in the hearts of my brothers and sisters. And what a blessing it was to put us together before taking these relationships away.

We have God, but we also have each other; family.

I also had a chance to talk to another friend who is going through something similar, and all I could think to say was that God's plans for us are greater than our pain. Romans 8: 18 was the specific verse that came to mind:

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”

We will move on, even though it's difficult. God has not only given us himself, but He's given us family and friends and the Church...people that we can go to when we fall apart who will remind us of God's perfect will for us.

God is teaching me to encourage those who are going through something like this, just as people have encouraged me in similar situations, and in my singleness.

God is good through us, and even if He takes away, it doesn't mean He doesn't love us. It simply means that He knows what's best for us.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 38: For the Glory of God

I almost didn't go to church tonight.

I was sick, tired, and just lazy. I thought about just reading my bible with a big cup of tea and it sounded amazing. But, just as I was seriously thinking about it, my roommate Kelsey said, “go to church,” and I jumped to it.

And, as usual, I was so blessed by it.

Not only did I get to sit by a couple of friends, but I also made a couple new ones, caught up with one amazing young woman of God, and saw a bunch of other friends throughout. I even got to hug two of my Haiti and house church brothers :) It's a blessing when God connects you with a family because you have a sense of never being alone, and that encouragement is a serious gift from the Lord.

Tonight, Phil taught on Matthew 6: 1-18, focusing on three main concepts: giving, praying, and fasting. To sum up the entire sermon, the aim of Jesus' teaching here is that we are to give, pray, and fast not to impress others, or ourselves, but for the glory of God. The biggest thing I took away from tonight was Phil's constant reminder that one of God's names is El Roi, meaning God that sees.

When we give, God can see if we are drawing attention to ourselves or if we are truly giving to bless someone else. God can also see us when we're praying, and if our prayers are intentional and meaningful or if they are grand, yet empty. And, of course, when we are fasting, he can see how we display our bodies...if we continue on with our lives, or if we draw attention to ourselves through our hungry and gaunt appearances.

We are who we truly are when we are alone. And that is the way that we need to act when we are with other people. God is teaching me that He sees everything that I do, as well as my motivation and intent behind my actions. It's a good thing to remember that God looks at the attitude behind the action because it will help us to keep ourselves accountable.

Jesus is calling us to be different from the pharisees, who set their worth on what people thought of them. We are to be concerned with what God thinks of us, especially because He can always see us and who we truly are.

He knows our hearts, so be open and honest.

When you give, give for the glory of God.

When you pray, pray for the glory of God.

When you fast, fast for the glory of God.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 37: The Great Comforter

As I sit here, sipping on some tea made with ancient chinese magical medicine (props to Kathy from work at BR), I am reminded of God's love for me. Today has just been a day of wonderful reminders that He is there to soothe me even in my sickness.

The day started off miserably, with me thinking that I might have a fever again (and I might have actually had one, still not really sure), and then I had a full day of work ahead of me. I was worried, but headed to work anyway. When I got there, I knew I couldn't make it and was hoping for a way out. Eventually, my general manager told me that if I could open two BR cards, I could go home. I reluctantly agreed, even though I was so doubtful that it could happen because I was so sick.

Then God came through, big time!

Within an hour, I opened two cards and was set to go home. I immediately thanked God the minute I got into my car to return home. He helped me to do that and to get home to rest.

God continued to bless me throughout the day, got me home safe, and provided me with a roommate to sit and talk and laugh with while resting up for work tomorrow.

Even though I am sick, God still takes the time to let me know that I am loved and that He is the great comforter.

He is teaching me to look to Him for comfort, and that He will bless me through that.

I am so tired and mostly useless with my cold, but I am the most joyful useless person you could meet because of what He has done, and still does, for me :)

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 36: Call Me Out, In Love

 I hate when I hear my friends hurting.

I want so much to step in an fix everything, but then I remember I can't.

Nothing I say, or do, can repair the damage done or put a broken heart back together again.

All I can do is encourage, and God will do the rest.

But, the thing that seems to bother me the most is when people hurt each other and there is no accountability. As Christians, we need to be able to step into the lives of our friends, in love, and let them know that what they are doing may not be for the best. We aren't called to legalism, but we are called to sharpen each other with the word, and that's something we need to take seriously. That's why there is a cloud of witnesses, and fellowship, to keep each other encouraged and walking in the way of Jesus.

I now know who I can turn to for sound biblical advice, and I know who is willing to put what I think of them on the line to tell me the truth about my actions. I would rather be rebuked and corrected in love than left to dance my way into sin and death.

So, the next time you are more worried about what your friend will think of you, focus on what is right and say what needs to be said. For me, this is something I struggle with, but am trying to work on.

We need to be able to bring each other to the feet of Jesus because He is the only one that can heal and restore.

Be that friend who is willing to lower a friend through the roof to Jesus to be healed. (Luke 5: 17-26)

Be that friend who is willing to speak truth into someone's life with the love of Jesus Christ.

Be real with each other, living peaceably with mercy and love.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 35: Freely You Gave

The only thing I really look forward to about holidays are my family.

Sure, it hasn't always been that way. When I was younger, it was undoubtedly about the gifts and the feeling of what it meant to know that I was taken care of.

As I'm getting older, at the ripe age of 24 ;), I could care less about what I'm getting. It's such a bizarre concept now to look forward to receiving gifts, although when I was younger I was afraid of getting older and missing out on the good stuff. It's only now that I realize, as you get older, you grow into the “good stuff,” which is giving more than receiving and getting to enjoy the look on someone's face when you have given them something.

I look forward to spoiling my brother and my sister, and I am set on doing it even if I'm in another state. I'm not rich by any means, but this is the one time that I can pretend to be, and hopefully get them what they want. But, also in this time, I want to shape what I give to show them how fortunate they are. After going to Haiti, I realize all that I have is so much more than so many, and I want to be able to be a good steward of what I've been blessed with, and given.

But, more on that sooner to Christmas time :)

Although I can't be with my family tonight, I am so grateful for them. They mean the world to me. And, although I spent the majority of Thanksgiving alone (by my choice, and the help of some remnants of a cold), I've had a good time. I cleaned my room, played music, prayed, and watched the Princess Bride. I mean, really...what more could you ask for? ;)

Even though most people don't know, I'm an extreme introvert...yes, yes, doubt if you must, but I'm serious. I love, love, love being around people, but I am joyful being on my own as well. Today was a joyful day that I was able to spend relaxing, and catching up on things that I needed to get done.

I'm grateful to God for His provision. Thank you, Lord for all you've done, are doing, and will do for me. Words can't begin to express the gratitude that I have for what you've done, and so all I can do is live my words to show You.

Thank you for teaching me what it is to be blessed, and how to give thanks to You, the one who has given it all, and given it freely.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 34: Be The Center

God is impressive.

It's not a radical thought, but maybe it should be.

Maybe I should stop taking God's impressiveness for granted.

Yesterday, I was so sick. I felt so terrible, and I found myself reaching out to other things before I just buckled down and prayed. The simplest, yet most effective, way to healing was at my fingertips and it took me forever to figure it out.

I just asked, Lord, heal me. Please let this not be what I think it might be. Have your way in me, because I know whatever happens, it will be for your good.

God is so quick to hear prayer, and so amazing to use friends that I have around me for encouragement and even empathy. This very morning a good friend of mine texted me to tell me that she was sick and after she prayed she felt immediately better.

I asked if she had read my blog, thinking she was trying to relate because of what she had seen me discuss.

She said she hadn't had a chance to read my blog in a while because she left her computer at a friend's house.

How amazing! God is so good to provide when we don't realize it, and to surround us with people who so embody His character.

As I clock this blog in far after midnight, I realize that God wants my dependence to be on him, not on my job or benefits, not on friends and family, not on boys who drive me crazy.

Just Him.

Jesus, be the center of my life.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 33: Walk Humbly With Your God

Being sick is extremely humbling.

You are limited in what you can do, and sometimes you even need to ask for help or let someone else take care of you.

You are taken out of “invincible” mode, and sometimes that awareness is overwhelming.

Today, I woke up with a fever, and just felt miserable. I didn't want to do anything but sleep, but I also didn't want to face my roommates finding out I was sick.

I hate being weak, and I hate seeming like I need other people to take care of me. I didn't want them to worry, or have to take time out of their lives. Of course, I knew, that they would do it anyway because they are my friends. Regardless, I still didn't want to trouble them with what I was feeling.

Pride is such a tough thing to kick.

I had to call in to work sick, a first for me (at this job), and then I began to think of what this could be. It could be the flu, just a fever, and then it hit me.

Uh oh, it could be malaria. After returning from Haiti, I forgot to fill my prescription for the last two pills, and so I only took four of the required six.

I felt nauseous, more from my mistake than from my actual illness.

But then I felt a peace from the Lord, an assurance that whatever happened, His good would be done.

I went to urgent care, where they couldn't do much, but managed to make an appointment with a physician for tomorrow, even though most doctors were booked months out.

I know it seems like a small victory, to get an appointment so soon at such late notice, but I know it was a gift from God. He knew I was stressed out, but helped me keep it together and to find help.

I don't like being sick, but I am seeing God in a new light as my guide and healer. I have been sick before, of course, but I don't think it's ever been so humbling for some reason.

God is teaching me that His plan is good, and that I can trust Him, even in the midst of sickness or the unknown and uncertain in my life.

This whole post may sound a little wacky, because this fever has me a little loopy, but if I've learned anything from this experience, it's that walking humbly with God (Micah 6:8) can happen in various ways, even if you're just a sick girl who is gulping tea while wrapped up in a blanket on the couch.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 32: Sometimes I Don't Know

Sometimes I don't know what God is doing in my life.

This is one of those times. One of those times when I feel like every door is being shut, and that I am somewhere I don't want to be for no reason.

I don't know why this is happening, but I do know this: my God loves me, and I have people praying for me. Between yesterday and today, I had three people directly encourage me and two of them mentioned how they had been praying for me.

Blessings are everywhere.

I know that He has called me according to his purpose, and I know that is good. The rest is up to Him.

God is teaching me patience, and trust, the two things I definitely avoid praying for...sigh. It's crazy how we forget that He, unlike us, actually knows what He's doing.

And it's shaping up to be quite a ride.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 31: Forgive, Love, Pray...For Your Enemies

God speaks in monumental ways. Sometimes his wisdom springs from the mouth of babes, sometimes from prophets, and many times through those He has called to shepherd his flock.

Today, John Mark spoke again on the sermon on the mount, as we move through our salt & light series. We focused on Matthew 5: 38-48 when the law is discussed and Jesus' perfect interpretation is given.

The center of the entire sermon was forgiveness, and how it is good to love your enemy, forget about the transgression, move on, and abandon yourself to the Father.

It wasn't until we were going to take the time to pray for our enemies that I realized something crazy about my life: I don't really have any enemies.

Sure, I have people that have hurt me, and those who I have probably hurt.

But enemies? Nope, can't think of any.

Now, if you would've asked me when I was in high school, the story may have been different. But this is what God does! He creates a clean heart that desires to know people and to LOVE people. A desire to leave people with a sweet aroma of Jesus after you leave their company. An honest desire to speak truth and love into people's lives.

I know that God has changed this in my life. He has removed my natural instinct to perhaps not be nice, or to be callous towards others, and replaced it with his desire to be peaceable with everyone.

Praise God!

This was such a simple realization, but so huge at the same time. I realized that He freed, and has kept me free, of the bondage of having an enemy, and the vast amount of energy that is consumed by something like that.

However, after realizing this...I thought about what upset me, and found out that although they are not “my” enemies, per say, that there were still some movements that I didn't believe were necessarily good. And so I prayed, with a couple sisters, for Occupy Portland and for what their wayward actions were doing. We prayed that they would articulate their vision better, and would uphold the same respect for our city and people as they are asking for themselves. And in all of this, we remembered that when Jesus called us to pray for our enemies, He wasn't calling us to pray that they get hurt, or that they would be destroyed by God.

He honestly desired that we would pray FOR them, and their well-being, that we would pray LOVE and TRUTH into their lives.

And so, I encourage you to do what God has taught me, and all of us through today's message. Forgive your enemies, pray for your enemies, and love your enemies.

And if you're like me, and don't have any specific enemies by the grace of God, find out what is bothering you in the world (like Occupy Portland) has been for me, just because it's so close to home, and pray for those people. Pray for their well-being, for their good, and most importantly that they would come to know the Lord and the plan He has for them.

Turn people from enemies to children of God. He has called us all to do that in any way we can. Let's hear, listen, and do.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 30: Fall In Love With Your First Love

Last night, I had the opportunity to meet with a few random people that I have come to know as family. These people stepped out of their reality, with me, as we traveled to Haiti, and I have been so blessed by all of them.

There are many things that make me love them, but I think the most obvious reason is the “rawlity” (raw reality..yes I made up a word!) of who they each are.

I've seen these people laugh. I've seen these people cry.

I've seen these people tell their stories...and I've told them mine.

It's an incredible feeling when God gives you people like these at a specific time for a specific reason. I praise Him everyday for what He's done for me in this way.

But, the reason I bring this up, is that I've realized that our hearts, as a group, are so similar. We struggle with the same things, and we talk them through. Last night was no different, but I was incredibly touched by one story in particular.

This was the story of one of my dear sisters and her desire to become a wife.

I watched her sit there in tears, wondering out loud with us if God loved her. And, if He did, why was He not answering this prayer and desire? Did she do something wrong? In her mind she knew that God loved her...so why couldn't she feel it?

Where was the evidence?

I sat and watched, listened, and eventually went over to be at her feet. It's an amazing feeling to be at the feet of someone who has humbled themselves before brothers and sisters, and desires to seek the will of God, even when there is such a distant feeling.

I was so moved by this because of my desire to be a wife.

I know I've already blogged about it. But seeing my sister, and realizing that I have the same heart as her, was only confirmation that this is not a faint desire in my life.

It is central, and important.

And so, dear sisters, know that I am praying for you. And I ask you to pray for me. If God's will is to have us be pursued by Godly men, then let them come quickly. But in your prayers, seek first the Kingdom of heaven, as I will for you, and know that God is faithful and that whatever He has in His plan is perfect and right.

Pray that I fall in love with my first love, and I will pray the same for you, because we know that He is faithful to bless those called to His purpose.

Stay strong, remain faithful, and love Him because He first loved us.

In Christ, 

 

Lilia

Day 29: To Be Bold

It's been a long day, but it's been fun.

Tonight, we celebrated Kelsey and Erin's birthdays. They both share the same birthday (November 21) and so we thought we would have something fun on Friday so that a bunch of friends could come over and enjoy the celebration.

It was a good time, but I really cherished the time I got to spend meeting fellow believers and watching them in action. I love the boldness that God has gifted some people with, along with the articulation that He has given to others.

It encouraged me, and reminded me that we can be a light anywhere, and to anyone.

Even if they don't want to listen.

It is important to be able to articulate your faith, especially to people who don't know much about it, or do not ascribe to it for certain reasons. The word tells me to hide all scripture in my heart so that I will know the words to give to those who don't know the Lord or what He has done for them.

I feel like God is preparing me to be that bold witness, while equipping me with knowledge and examples like I saw tonight. I feel like He has been working this in me for a while, but I know now that this is the time for me to respond, and to be what He is calling me to be...

A bold & steadfast witness for him.

God doesn't need a defender; he just needs a witness, someone who is willing to testify of the grace and mercy that is abundant in Him.

I pray that I become that person.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 28: Talk & Walk

 All of this protesting is getting to me.

SO MUCH.

But, the thing that really gets me is...if I hadn't gone to Haiti, would I still feel this way?
If I hadn't seen the poverty of a third-world country, would I be more inclined to speak out for the injustices of MY society?

Would I have been one of those protestors?

The most likely answer is no; I would not have been a protestor either way. But, I can say that going to Haiti has helped me to solidify that no matter how hard my life is, there is someone who has so much more to deal with than me.

At the heart of the protest, I agree with many things these people are saying. But when words aren't enough, and people launch into action, they need to be prepared to be evaluated based on those actions.

Reading a friends FB posts today, I saw through her eyes what the actions of the protestors were, and I was saddened. How can you throw paint at someones place of work and break their windows without having people look at you like you are crazy?

In many ways, I don't understand.

But, if anything, it makes me realize how much we watch each other in life...what we say, what we do, who we are.

And if that's not God showing me how I need even more to live like Him, I don't know what it is.

Think about it, Christian. Are you like an Occupy protestor? In essence, are you saying one thing with your mouth, and doing life different with your actions?

Granted, there are some occupiers that are not only talking the talk, but walking the walk, as with some Christians as well – people who truly know what it means to do what they say they will do.

But for so many of us, that just isn't the case.

So let's change it up, and be what God wants us to be: a people that not only talks about Jesus, but lives like Him, too.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 27: Giving Thanks

Pray without ceasing and, IN everything, give thanks!

Notice how it says to give thanks in everything, and not just for everything. Of course, it's great and necessary to give thanks for everything, but we need to remember how to give thanks in the midst of everything that life has for us...in everything that God has for us.

Tonight, I had the awesome chance to come together with brothers and sisters (some that I knew, but most that I didn't) to lift up thanks to our God who is so good. It was a huge house church, with three house churches that used to be one, coming together to praise the Lord.

Seeing so many people together for the same purpose was encouraging, and to have people open their property and home up to us to use was such a blessing.

Ben Newell shared a message with us, and it all centered on thanks. He also talked about the many names that God has...and the many ways that we can thank Him just for who He is: father, protector, redeemer, lover, healer, etc. There are so many names for God, and so many thinks to be thankful for.

Going into the holiday season, starting with Thanksgiving, we often seem to focus on being thankful, which is more of a state of mind. What we should focus on is giving thanks, which implies action.

We should give thanks for what God has given us, from grace and salvation to our families and friends that He has specifically given to us.

We worship a good and great God, and if nothing else, we can always give thanks for that.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 26: A Most Unlikely Encourager

This morning started out terribly.

On my way to work, some random guy yelled at me because of something in traffic that was not my fault. This is where I say that I smiled and drove on, shining the radiant light of Jesus in me.

And then this is where I tell you the truth, that instead of doing that I shouted “you idiot!” back at him.

Oops.

This is my natural instinct. How sad, right?

Immediately after it happened, I was so upset that I told God right then and there that I wasn't apologizing. Why should I apologize for another person's wrong? It's not my fault, it's not MY fault!

And here I sit, thinking, nothing was Jesus' fault, but here I am...SAVED.

Oh grace, what a beautiful thing.

I tell this story because it is the opposite of what I want to be, and really the opposite of what I have been these past few months. Lately, and mostly after my trip back from Haiti, I have been trying desperately to be an encourager. I have looked at God's word and what I, as a woman, am called to. Encouragement is one of those things.

I am not naturally inclined to this, necessarily. It is natural for me to encourage children, and of course teenagers, when I teach them.

But this kind of encouragement was to anyone I came across. Sure, I am definitely called to encourage and esteem brothers and sisters, but of course being an encourager should be something that reaches everyone I come into contact with.

God is the ultimate encourager, and He is teaching me that I can be like Him in that way.

My heart is what needs to change, and at the very root, I need to think of others before I think of myself.

I need to encourage in good times, and in bad.

I need to encourage the happy, and sad....the drivers who love me, and the drivers who hate and yell at me.

It's not always going to be easy, but then again, walking with the Lord isn't always easy.

But it's good. Oh, it's GOOD!

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 25: Stepping Out

So often we hear that as Christians we need to step out. Step out into the world and be God's light. Step out in faith to win souls.

But, how about just stepping out to meet people, find fellowship....to belong?

I went to Solid Rock for the first time five years ago, in September. I knew only the people I went with, and for two years it stayed that way. I was unashamed to step out and proclaim that good news, but I couldn't even walk up to someone and start a meaningful conversation.

I was comfortable, as so many of those people were I'm sure, in my Christian bubble.

I had my friends who knew the Lord, and those who didn't, but they were mine. And in a sense, I didn't want/need any more.

And then I discovered something.

People grow up. People move on. People Change.

Soon I was caught between wedding after wedding, and then child after child. My friends were moving on naturally, but I was left in a limbo trying to figure out how I was so far behind.

I had a plan: married by 24, kids by 26.

As you can tell, this isn't the case.

And I praise God for that.

His story for me is not to live out life as I have planned it, but how He's planned it. He has taught me just this year that He wants me to STEP OUT to connect, instead of living in complacency. And I sincerely believe that this is the most important part of my walk right now.

After all, He's been asking me this: “How can you grow if you are separated from the vine and My people?”

Five years later, Solid Rock is my home for real. There are people that God has brought into my life just because I have been willing. He has presented opportunity after opportunity for me to plug in and connect with a church that I loved for so long but never committed to.

Now, He has managed to grow me through other people so much that each day I can feel that I'm not the same. Whether it is through friends that I've known for years, or through those who I just met last month in Haiti and now consider my family, God has taught me that stepping out in faith doesn't always take the shape of boldly proclaiming the gospel. Sometimes, it's just stepping out of our own way and into His by stepping into His community, and living life together with my brothers and sisters.

My heart is full of gratitude to all of you that have stepped into my life divinely and shown me the love of the King through you. He has given me new friendships, revived some, and ended some, but I can rest easy knowing that it is all for my betterment, and His glory.

Praise Him!!!

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 24: Watch, Deal, and Keep

Tonight, I went to the 6pm service at Solid Rock for the first time in a while.  I used to love the 6, mostly because I usually always had to work on Sundays.  I enjoyed the somewhat younger crowd, and the ability to maybe even nap after work and before heading to church.  Needless to say, it was refreshing to be back in that element.

Phil taught tonight, and I always feel this sense of being a child when he is up there teaching.  He is such a dad, something that I missed out on in my early years of life.  It always inspires me to see men doing what God has put on their heart, and that is especially true of those called to shepherd the flock.
Continuing on the message of Salt and Light that we are focusing on in our series on the Sermon on the Mount, Phil tackled three heavy issues in one sermon:  adultery, divorce, and oaths/vows.  It was difficult to fit all of those into one message, but he managed to link them all together by their importance in the teaching that Jesus was giving.

Jesus started his discussion on each of these topics by stating what was discussed in the Torah.  He introduced these discussions by using the phrase “You have heard that it was said...” (NKJV).  In this way, Christ was citing what the Torah said, but the important idea is what He followed with.  With each of these topics, Jesus gave the authoritative interpretation of what God's word meant in the Torah.  With the example of adultery, he said:  “You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.'  But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  Matthew 5:  27-28

Jesus was going to the root of the problem.  He was letting these people know that adultery is not something that comes all of a sudden, but comes from the harboring of lusts towards another person, or object.  Christ was clarifying what so many people missed.

Even today, we think that if we are not physically acting on sin that we are not struggling with it.  We think that even though we are not cheating on our husbands or wives, but having an emotional affair, that we are not committing adultery.  But we are, we SO are.  And we are sinning not only against God, but against ourselves.

From this discussion, Phil also touched on the idea of sexual immorality that springs from the desire and addiction of lust.  He noted how it's so amazing how often people settle for sex instead of desiring real intimacy.

How shallow and broken are we?  How used?  How empty?
How shallow and broken am I?
How used?
How empty?
I'm disgusted even thinking about it...

I thought back to certain situations where I used people, and most recently, when I've let individuals use me.  I thought I was being valued and appreciated, when in reality I was just being used to comfort something that was missing in that person.  I was being used to fill a confused void.

Now that hurt.

But where people fail, God wins.
And the victory is so obvious, and so good.

Phil left us with three pieces of advice that I would love to share here because they are completely useful and relevant...as usual:

1.  Watch over your heart
Like Proverb 4:23 says, it's imperative to guard your heart because from it comes the well-spring of life.  So often we think that issues such as lust, or adultery, or lying, come out of nowhere, but they really stem from an unsettled heart.

2.  Deal drastically with sin
In Phil's words:  hate it, crush it, kill it.  Jesus uses quite the bit of hyperbole in this part of the sermon on the mount, noting that if your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off.  You can see the hyperbole in it because even if we did cut off one hand the other could still sin, and after a few sins, we would be capable of nothing.  Phil also encouraged us to look at our lives and to see what (if anything) is drawing our heart away from God, and to remove it from our lives.

3.  Keep your word
Instead of swearing to God about this or that, or trying to convince people that we are good for what we say, how about we just follow through every time?  Tell the truth, and you won't have to worry about convincing people that you are trustworthy and honest.   Be faithful to God like he is faithful to us.

----------------

Phil summed up the sermon with a piece of scripture from Romans.  I felt like God anointed Phil completely, and through it He taught me that everything I learned in this sermon is possible if I seek to “put on” Christ daily, instead of trying to gratify my desires.

“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.”  Romans 13:14

Praise God for allowing us to put Jesus on and forget about the flesh.



In Christ,





Lilia

Day 23: A God Who Pursues

I went to a wedding today and it was beautiful.

God is teaching me that it's okay for me to desire a love story, but also that He is graciously placing other desires on my heart as well.

I am thankful for His guidance, and protection, both with my mind and heart.

When I was at the wedding, an overwhelming sense of peace came over me. And, although I desire the love story (like I'm sure so many people do), I know that God is teaching me to be at peace with desiring to know Him more above all else.

He is teaching me that He is more than enough, and that only He can tame my wandering heart.

I'm in love with a God who pursues me...and I can't ask for anything better than that.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 22: The Need For A Savior

D.L. Moody once said that out of 100 men, one will read the bible and 99 will read the Christian.
And he's right, much to my lament.

I wish it was easier to be like Jesus in the midst of chaos, disappointment, and impatience.  In trials, I wish I was the Christian that 99 men would read and see Christ in.

Being a Christian is so much more than appearances; it's actively following Christ and walking worthy of the call that He has placed in our lives.  But, along with that, it's impossible to forget the reality that even though following Christ is so much more than what we do, and involves the free gift of grace, we are still looked at as a representative of our savior.  It is a fact that we are created in the image of Christ, but it's also an image that is difficult to be in, especially to people who don't know Christ.

At work, I've become such a miserable person to be around.  I hate my job, capitalism, and consumerism, but this is America…and in some way, shape, or form, I am not only taking part in this kind of culture, but I am promoting it at my job and supporting it in that way.  So, I find myself not being salt and light at my work place, but instead being that person who is so bitter (and dare I say ungrateful) for the job that I have.  It's been difficult lately because I know that this is hurting my witness because I'm so checked out at work that I am not living out the gospel of Christ.
In this despair, I need to remember one key truth:  if I had everything together, there would be no significant need for a savior.

I can't keep running around thinking that I need to be a perfect person, and that as a Christian I must be superhuman in my compassion and mercy, etc.  I need to realize my own need for a savior before I can show people how they need one.

Now, I'm not saying that this is an excuse.  It's merely an observation that I've made.  I need people to see the good and bad of me, but to always show them that I rely solely on the Lord in the midst of it all.  I need to fight to keep my mind and thoughts in the word, so that when I am at work and in an environment that I don't like, I can make it through simply because I know that it is what God has for me now.

I am so ready to move on from this place, and to find something new…but then I remember that I'm
not God.

He is teaching me that I need to wait on Him in all aspects of life, and that I need to wait well, working in whatever capacity He has for me until I am fit to move on.

Like a loving father, I know He wants what's best for me and His word tells me that.  So I will wait, knowing that truth in love outweighs everything else.


In Christ,




Lilia

Day 21: Marriage!

I'm going to be honest. I really didn't have that great of a day...and unfortunately, it really showed. So, sitting here in front of my computer, I wasn't really sure what to write about..or if I was even in an appropriate mindset to blog usefully about anything. And then I just sat and thought about what I did today...and...kaboom, it hit me.

MARRIAGE. Shriek, cower...yikes. That is the affect that this word used to have on me. Growing up I never really gave it much thought. I was not the girl who pictured her wedding day from a young age (although I am morphing into that girl slowly, which is kind of weird) and have always just assumed that something would come together. Well...I'm still waiting.

But, today marriage is on my mind because I had a fun and laid back rehearsal session with a few ladies that I am performing with at Chris and Robin's wedding. I literally sit in awe of them because they are so amazing, but that's another story.

Singing with these girls about love and essentially the love story that Chris and Robin share, not only amongst themselves, but with Christ, is amazing.

How can you not think of marriage when you sing about stuff like that?

Anyway, God is so good at noticing exactly what is on my heart, and He is so good to confirm my feeling that I am so far away from marriage. That is not to say that it's not something I desire, but it is to say that I know God doesn't have that for me yet, mostly because He knows that my heart needs to continue to follow hard after Him.

But, of course, a girl can daydream :)

God is also good at protecting our hearts, even when we make it ever so difficult for Him through our own misguided attempts at happiness. Almost a year ago, I was seeing a Godly man who I thought God was placing into my life for a very important reason. However, quickly I saw that this was not the case...but I pushed anyway, and I allowed myself to be pursued by this man who I knew wasn't right for me. And, even though this man was already divorced, I somehow made myself think that perhaps we could work out even though it weighed heavily on my heart. Long story short, he ended up hurting me more than I thought possible – and not because of any physical impurity – but because I heard God's voice about matters of my heart and I ignored it. I trusted myself instead of God, and the world devoured me.

During this time, I wrote this poem, and so I'll end my blog with it. Basically, God is teaching me that marriage is something beautiful, but also that it is something that we are uniquely called to by Him and Him alone.

The Untangling

I’m glad we never became more,

and stayed far away from echad.

Just hearing about the tearing

of flesh makes me sick,

and I don’t think you could survive

again.

I look back, wishing I trusted Him.

I knew He was right when He said

we were nothing but confusion, two souls

too damaged to find meaning.

Selah.

Stand still,

because I am in deeper than you know,

than I know.

The pressure in my heart builds

as I begin The Untangling, this business

of the separate. 

I move gently, forward,

away from your heart,

beyond your soul,

and out of your life. 

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 20: All About Love For A Child

“God made me on purpose; I'm not a mistake.”

Barb Wicklow's son, Kade, spoke these words to her a few days ago. These words are so precious because Kade has cerebral palsy, but in the midst of that he still recognizes his worth in Christ, which is something that so many people without cerebral palsy can barely wrap their minds around. Because Kade has cerebral palsy, Barb (and her husband Keith) wanted to educate those who work closely with Kade on his “kade-isms” so to speak, and so they opened their home to myself and many other people who interact with Kade on a regular basis. His speech pathologist Kelly took the time to present information to us specifically on Kade and to give us strategies to help this wonderful boy in his social life and interactions.

Over 20 people showed up. I was blown away.

I learned so much tonight, from scientific terms, to practical methods to help redirect Kade when he falls back into his comfort zones in certain areas. I felt renewed, and equipped to help my new friend. As I looked around the room, I felt an incredible and palpable love. Over 20 people sat in this living room because of their love for one little boy.

I was blown away.

And in the front of all of us sat Barb and Keith, two people that I barely know, but who I trusted from day one.

I am so impressed with their love for Kade, and for their other son Quinn. I guess I am so overwhelmed because as a teacher, it is rare for me to see parents who go above and beyond for their child. I mean, to open your home and actually think to give people tools to help your child? Just amazing. And on top of that, they have a sincere love for the Lord, which is so obvious in the way they love their children.

I want to be this kind of parent. I want to know that my house will serve the Lord and that my children will come to know Him through my example.

And that is what I see with Barb and Keith. And the beautiful thing is how they love Kade and Quinn. They don't love in blind adoration, like so many parents seem to do today. They are not “buddies,” they are parents. They seek to love their children with a love that springs from encouragement and discipline. And, they know that without discipline, love cannot exist.

So, naturally, just looking at the way that they love, I know that they are following Christ's love for us...His children.

I am so radically encouraged that I hope to one day be the mom that Barb is, if in fact the Lord chooses to bless me with a child, or children.

I want to have the foundation that Barb and Keith have in the Lord so that it can overflow to my children. I want to see children cared for, but still disciplined, so that they can come to know truth, much like Kade does. He is so entirely aware of God's love for him that he can articulate what so many seem to miss: that God has a plan for our lives, and that we are not mistakes, but so much more.

God is teaching me that it is possible to love like He does, and that when parents love like He does, their children will reap the love that they have sown.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 19: That Ugly Beast

Sarcasm. What an ugly beast that so many of us have domesticated in our lives. To me, sarcasm has to be the most widely used mechanism of coping in existence. I know that I have used it to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable, and more commonly just to spite people.

Before I knew Christ, sarcasm was a way of life for me. The sad thing?

In so many ways, it still is.

I still find myself in situations when I know that sarcasm will make things easier for me. It's always easier for us to joke about anything than to actually formulate a genuine thought and say it. And to think how many people I have hurt by what I've said. How many times my sarcastic tongue has belittled people, or their intelligence, and hurt their feelings.

What kind of monster have I been? And if I'm being honest with myself, what kind of destruction am I still causing with my words?

The bible is so deliberate in its discussion of language, and its power. Proverb 18 is quick to show how much is weighed in what is said by the tongue:

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverb 18: 21

Our tongue, our speech, has the power to give life and to bring death. That is a crazy thought. But, it's true...what one person says to another person, especially in biting sarcasm, can bring another person to their knees.

For me, I've been so discouraged in certain areas of my life via sarcasm (be it from family or friends) that I began to think of it as normal. I could not function without it invading the way I spoke to people. I came to find that people always viewed me as aggressive or cynical because of the way I spoke. No one considered me to be anything but negative, and they always wondered if they could take me seriously. All of the things I now strive to be (an encourager, a good listener, a helper) were the farthest adjectives from people's minds when they thought of me.

I didn't care then, but it tears me apart now. And, now that I recognize the hold that sarcasm has had on my speech and in my life, I find myself sensitive to others who let it captivate their conversations. I am realizing that I want to be a person whose speech is like a tree of life:

“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” Proverb 15: 4

I feel like God is teaching me that our focus should be on encouraging each other constantly, singing spiritual psalms to each other while praising God. To be plain, I think that it's inevitable to have a bit of sarcasm in our day to day conversations, but the point is to not center your speech, or personality for that matter, around a bitter and sneering disposition.

God is showing me that my words not only affect the way that people see me, but they also affect the way that people see Him.

If your speech is causing people to look away from the Father, rethink what and how you're saying what you're saying.

Be a tree of life instead of crushing the spirit.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 18: A Short Note on Contentment

Sometimes I just like to be alone. And sometimes I just like to think.

Today was a day for both of those things, as I retreated to my room for the majority of my night and really pondered what God was doing in my life.

I had the opportunity to teach today, and I loved it. It is an amazing feeling when you have the opportunity to do something that you believe you were meant to do. With that said, it breaks my heart to not be able to do this full time.

But, then again...

I cherish the time that I have specifically because I am not teaching full time. God has placed opportunities elsewhere in my life and has given me a reasonably flexible job in retail to be able to do other things, and experience life in various ways.

I was focused for so long on finding that dream teaching job that I think I forgot to pay attention to the gifts and blessings that God was giving me. Now that I'm aware, I realize that He is teaching, and even challenging, me to be content with where I am in His plan for me.

Contentment rarely comes easily, especially when we are focused on everything but God.

He is teaching me to rest in His presence simply because that is where I will find true contentment.

But, oh, how it is easier said than done.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 17: Sin IS Sin, but God IS Good

At church today, we talked about making things right. We talked about the responsibility that comes with following Christ, which is to forgive people for their offenses, and seek to gain forgiveness for our own wrongdoings.

Jose preached out of Matthew 5, in our series called Salt & Light, which is an in-depth study of the sermon on the mount. We focused verses 20-26. I've broken them up into smaller pieces in order to effectively share what we discussed...

For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Wow! This is huge...when I first heard this piece of scripture years ago, I was shocked. How would I enter the kingdom of heaven, I thought...especially as a new believer? I knew nothing and was uncomfortable at the expectation that Jesus portrays here. However, within the context of the situation, Jesus is calling the righteousness of the Pharisees and teachers of the law into the light. When we examine the way that these men were living at Jesus' time, it is obvious that they were slaves to the law, and loved upholding the letter of the law without necessarily adhering to the spirit of the law that Christ makes obvious as Matthew's gospel continues. This is what Jesus is getting at...He's really looking to see if our righteousness comes from our own hearts or the heart of God...

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. 

Here, Jesus gives the first example of how His commands go deeper than the face value that the Pharisees and teachers of the law took them to be. Although the obvious command not to kill is imperative, Jesus goes further to say that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgement. That's right...here Jesus is saying that a murderer and someone who is angry will both be subject to judgement. WHOA. If that doesn't rock your world, I don't know what will...but God is clear in showing here that sin IS sin. It's entirely difficult for us to realize the ground breaking realization here...there are no levels of sin...no thinking that we are okay because we are not caught in a specific sin, or in a “really bad” sin. Sin is the same to God, and Jesus makes it clear in this illustration of murder vs. anger, and in his next example...

Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. 

Jesus continues with this example of insulting a brother or sister, and calling them a fool. Both of these actions will cause someone to be in danger of the fire of hell. Jesus is serious in this, going so far as to make sure before any offerings or gifts are made to God, people must be right with each other. God is so quick to make sure that we have sound minds and hearts, that are in good standing with everyone, before bringing gifts before Him. It is this expectation that sometimes proves difficult. I know, for me, that I seem to want to throw everything at God, and to have Him make other people apologize for what they've done to me. It is rare that I am willing to go out of my way to make amends with people...especially if they have done wrong to me.

However, God has taught me lately that I am called to do this, whether I want to or not. And He has truly blessed me in this area. I have been able to come to terms with what a few people have done to me, or how they have negatively impacted my life, and have been given peace from the Lord about those situations.

And, in the last part of the verses we discussed, Jesus reminds us not only to make matters right with each other, but to do so quickly. By doing this, it restores fellowship and removes judgement from both people involved. God knows that once we are trapped in a prison, so to speak, after doing wrong to someone, it may take forever (and everything we have) to survive the judgement and punishment.

“Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

I know that this sounds hard...and trust me, it is. But if God is teaching me anything, it's that these things are possible. It is possible to forgive someone, quickly, and to share this forgiveness with them before coming before the Lord with gifts and offerings.

How do I know? I've done it....through Him, the source of all wisdom and strength.


In Christ,




Lilia