Day 119: Learning How To Die

Some days are better than others. Today was one of those days where I caught myself in the presence of great, caring, and amazing people. And, naturally, I was saddened at the thought of leaving them. I was torn at the idea of being on the cusp of so many great things, and then leaving.

I became so sad so quickly, and so I got to wondering what God is up to. What is He pulling me away from all of this great stuff for?

And in the midst of my thinking, a song by Jon Foreman came into my mind. It's been on a random mixed CD that a friend of mine made for me, and each time I heard the song, I was struck by its incredibly simple beauty.

As with most of his music, this song was sparse and simple, relying on a strong melody and very emotional vocals. The song is called, “Learning How To Die,” and as I listened, I felt like I figured out a huge part of what my time up here in Oregon has been for.

I think I was called here to learn how to die.

The scriptures teach that when we choose to follow Jesus, we don't do so lightly. Instead, we instinctively pick up our cross, knowing full well that to follow Jesus means that we must deny, and essentially die to, ourselves. We must live as sacrifices to God, holy and pleasing to His will.

This is what I have spent six years of my life learning, and God has been faithful in His guiding, discipline, and encouragement.

I feel like God has shown me that I am capable of discerning how I should go about taking up my cross and follow Him. And, I feel like He is challenging me to really, finally, give up everything that I have here in order to pursue what He has for me thousands of miles away. He is pulling me out of my comfort zone that He has given me, in order that I might truly die to my own desires, and recognize His.

He brought me here not only to find life, and life abundant, in Jesus, but He also brought me here to die.

And what a fitting death it has been, and will continue to be, in light of His glory and victory.

In Christ,

Lilia