Day 182: Crystal Clear

Hello everyone -- and by everyone, I mean the five people that actually read my blog...if there are that many ;) I'm sorry that I haven't written in the past month, but I have really been trying to figure out so many things in my life, and it wouldn't have been genuine for me to force out a blog a day when my mind/heart/soul was not in it. This is my return, my comeback of sorts....I am going to pick up on the day I left off, and still shoot for 365 so I'm not shortchanging myself, you, or the purpose I feel that God has for this blog....love you all tremendously <3

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No matter who I meet in life, or where I go, or what I think about, there is one truth that remains: it will always be Christ. What do I mean by that? I mean that no matter how many mistakes I make, or how much I feel my life may be spinning all over the place, and out of control, I will always be grounded in the truth of who Jesus and what He has done for me.

I will always be grounded in the reality that nothing will fulfill me like a relationship with the God who created the world, and cares enough to give me grace.

Lately, I’ve come to terms with not finding my identity, or everything, in a man. This has been a struggle in my life for as long as I can remember, and it scared me for a long time. The pressure that this type of thinking put on the men in my past was great, and caused all of those relationships to crumble. This happens because, when you think about it, no one can shoulder the weight or fill the void that Christ can.

No one is perfect, and no one can satisfy like that. We were never created to.

But, the people that God brings into our lives that come really close to that are the people I strive cherish each day. From my family, to my friends, they are people who love me so obviously, that I know God has placed them in my life to show me an example of how deeply he loves me.

To know that he loves me more than anyone else in my life is only made more real when I see the depth in which these people love me, and when I sit down and think of the depth with which I love all of these people in return.

Sometimes, it is unclear why God brings people into our lives, but sometimes it feels so clear. And that can be scary. I think often we feel the need to wade through a million things before we can be clear on the purpose God has for us, but I think that sometimes He makes it clear.

So crystal clear in fact, that it’s hard for us to believe.

I’m having one of those moments right now, but I’m having a hard time accepting it because this isn’t what happens to me. People don’t come into my life who I know are there for a specific reason, because God can’t work like that, right? He can’t be that clear, right?

Wrong!

But, just to make sure, I need to pray and seek more. Ask more. Is this really going to go there? Even though I’ve made all these mistakes? Even though this is a struggle and not a walk in the park?

Can you redeem this? Can you change this heart? Is this REALLY your purpose for me?

Right now, in my life, the saying that “God only knows,” is really what’s happening. Here’s to praying, seeking, and hoping, that my discernment and peace about this situation is from no one but God.

Lord, take away from me my selfish desire, and help me to discern blessings in my life and the purpose they are to serve.

I’ve messed up already, and all I long to be is blameless. Help me to show others you through my words, actions, passions, and desires.

I love you.

Lilia