Day 70: Wait For It

Today, my friend sent me a funny text, telling me about how much fun she had hanging out with a friend of hers. She told me how funny he was, and how she wished I could've met him because I would've instantly liked him. Of course I told her to introduce us. That's when she filled me in that he was visiting from another state.

Thanks a lot, friend! Haha!

I mentioned something about waiting, to which my friend replied, “isn't most of life waiting, anyway?”

I replied, “I prefer to think of it as learning, and preparing.”

She then said, “It's still waiting, whatever you want to call it.”

I can always count on her for a good laugh! :)

So, naturally, I got to thinking. Waiting is something that we always talk about, stress over, analyze, and ponder. What does it mean to wait? And, more importantly, what does it mean to wait well? These days, I find myself overwhelmed with the amount of people my age becoming engaged, and getting married...starting families, even. I am also saddened by the amount of separations and deep marital problems that I have seen among people my age.

Both of these instances, the good and the bad, have greatly affected the way that I wait.

I know that God's plan for me is the best, and even when it sometimes hurts to wait it out and see what He has for me, in the deepest part of who I am, I know that it is worth it and that it is right. Being a woman, there is a deep desire within me to pour out love and admiration and encouragement to whatever man there is for me, Lord willing, but I know that now I need to give that all to God.

I need to focus on learning how to love Jesus, so that if I am put together with someone, I already know what it feels like to be fully loved and to love fully.

Knowing and loving Jesus needs to be our greatest desire, and if it's not, a relationship will not satisfy that desire. Inserting a boyfriend or girlfriend into the empty cavity in our chests will not render us whole, but instead will create even more problems.

So, ladies and gentlemen, if you are single, wait on Him and wait well. Don't sit around, moping on how you wish your love story would run into you. Look to Jesus, pursue Him, and chances are you will run into something far more beautiful that way. Be alert, sober minded, and just remember to shine.

Light is attracted to light, and darkness to darkness. Attract people with your light and love for Jesus, because that attraction will run deeper than beauty, humor, or anything else we possess as humans.

Love Jesus first, and don't worry about anything else. Trust me, as I'm trying to do the same.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 69: To Love Is To Be Vulnerable

The realization of prayer is a frightening thing sometimes.

It's frightening, because...as sad as it is, it seems that when we pray most of the time, we don't really expect to be heard.

Yes, that's right. I think anyone who has followed Christ can admit to praying, at some point, without full trust that God would listen, or even hear.

Lately, God has just shown me over and over again how my prayers have been answered. I have had the chance to see people reaching for God, and trying to change their lives, all while God is reshaping mine.

The other day, I saw a C.S. Lewis quote on a friend's FB wall, and it just resonated with me. It was a quote I had heard before, but I hadn't heard it since before I began to ask God to change something about me.

I asked God to make me vulnerable. I know I previously blogged about this, but I never thought it possible. I never really thought that I could let go of what people though of me, or that I would be able to let people see me in my weakness.

And, although there are still times I struggle with being vulnerable, I can say that there is a marked difference in my disposition when it comes to this. In most of my relationships, I have learned to lay everything out. Especially in situations where I am dealing with someone I care about in a romantic way, I have found this to be undeniably true.

In the past, I always focused on staying one step ahead. Now, I just focus on the person who has my affection, aiming to show them Christ's love and admiration of them through my own life.

So, with this quote stuck in my head, I set out to craft something that would help me to capture this quote in an authentic way for me. Since God was teaching me to be vulnerable, I threw myself into art to see what would come out, and I'm going to post the result below.

It was easy enough to make, just using some stretched canvas, decoupage, computer printouts, and old pages from Nabokov's Pale Fire.

I love what it turned into, and I'm excited for the reminder not only of what God has called me to be, in my vulnerability, but the fact that He has been faithful in making me into a woman unafraid of being vulnerable.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 68: Called to Suffer

Have you ever found yourself falling for someone who could care less about you? Or, having significant feelings that are reciprocated by lukewarm, and vague, responses at best? Have you ever cared so much for someone that it confuses you as to why you feel that way, and it's actually difficult to articulate, even to yourself?

Welcome to my world.

It's been a long time since I've had to deal with feelings like this. Usually, I am on the other side. The person on top in this weird power play. Usually.

I am usually the one with no emotion, too damaged to seriously care about someone else effectively because of whatever has happened to me in the past.

But, now that I've become vulnerable through Christ's work in my life, it seems like I feel so much for these people because I've become susceptible to one specific complex: the rescuer.

When I see people suffer, I desperately want to help them in any way that I can, especially if it's someone I respect and/or care about deeply. When this feeling overtakes me, I seek to encourage and uplift, almost as if I'm seeking to prove the worth of my friendship, and myself, in another person's life.

In some ways, I desire approval from those I am trying to help more than the approval of God, and that's where it gets dangerous.

So, of course, God spoke into my life in a bold way...

This morning I tried something new. I woke up at 4:40 am and went to work out with my roommate, Kelsey. We ran, stretched, talked, and then I went to my morning bible study at 6, not really knowing what I would be learning about. A lot was on my mind from the night before, if only my thoughts on how disappointed I was in myself.

We picked up the story where we left off, in Mark 1:14. The message centered around suffering and Jesus' subsequent temptation after His baptism.

We discussed how it was God, and not Satan, who sent Jesus into the wilderness. It was God who presented suffering.

So often, when we think of God, we think that suffering cannot possibly come from Him. We always seem to associate suffering from the sin that resonates within our own lives. And, while that is true, it is true that God can set suffering before us...but He never does it in vain.

Jesus suffered for our sins, for an ultimate purpose. And, God makes that clear in Mark's gospel when He sends Jesus into the wilderness, a place commonly associated with sin. Like the baptism, God puts Jesus through this situation of temptation by the devil in order to approve Him as His son. He is showing us that Jesus was not only baptized and filled with the Holy Spirit, but that He lived in the Spirit when He refused to give into the temptation set before Him. God establishes the free will of Christ and shows the potential to live by the Spirit of God, not yielding to temptation.

God shows us, through Christ, what we can live like. We have free will, and we have the potential to live by God's spirit, instead of giving into the flesh.

Jesus was tested, and approved, as He was filled with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit had a hold of Jesus' life, and became a part of him. From this point on, after the temptation, Jesus stepped out in ministry, beginning His teaching and everything else that God called Him to. The key here is that Jesus received God's approval and then became entirely effective.

So often we feel like we are good enough, and okay to be effective if we have the Holy Spirit...if we are saved. We fail to see that we can't be effective until the Holy Spirit has us, and until we are fully dependent on God.

When we suffer, as Christ suffered, we can't always see it as something to be rescued from. God is the great comforter, and a rescuer of His people, but He also seeks people who are willing to take up their crosses and follow Him...people who are willing to live as sacrifices.

It meant so much to me to realize that God showed all of this to us through Jesus. He showed us Jesus' humanity in His temptation, and the potential that we have to be like Jesus. We have the choice; we need the desire. I was overwhelmed by how able Jesus is, and how He knows exactly what we're going through.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Hebrews 4: 15-16

In our lives, sin seems to manifest in three ways: lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life. Satan uses these three categories over and over again because they continue to work, and we continue to choose everything but the Holy Spirit.

In my own life, it is pride that keeps me from being tested and approved by the Father. I seek to rescue those who I see suffering because I don't want them to have to go through what is difficult in life. However, what I learned this morning is that sometimes God requires suffering in order to have us grow and develop into people who are fully dependent on Him.

Suffering leads to growth and obedience. How can we grow and learn to obey without struggling? We can't seek to be pampered, or pamper others to the point of erasing all suffering because then we eliminate what is truly needed to grow.

And so, this is how my story fits into what God has for me. I need to stop seeking to rescue this person who I care so deeply about. What started out as encouragement has turned into a crutch of my own doing. I'm not relying on God, and I'm keeping this person from doing that as well. I want so much to ease burdens, and stop pain, but I can't save anyone.

Only God can, and He requires our full trust and dependence.

I'm going to end this blog with an open letter that I wrote to God this morning, following communion. Please pray that I can move away from seeking to remove someone's pain, and instead seek to come alongside and endure it with them. In that way, I know that my friend will grow and learn obedience to God, and that I can do the same.

We are called to bear each other's burdens, not to remove them.

In Christ,

Lilia

God,

You knew exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I wasn't only trying to encourage my friend, I was trying to rescue him. I saw the pain and my heart responded with what I thought was encouragement, but was actually the want to rescue him and prove my friendship.

Thank you for helping me to see that growth in you requires suffering, and testing, and approval sometimes. Thank you for reminding me that we can't put that desire for approval into someone's heart, but it has to be their choice.

I pray for growth in my friend's life and full dependence of you, even if it has to come through suffering. Let my friend suffer for his own growth, and for your kingdom.

Love you,

Lilia

Day 67: What I Want

It's funny how we sometimes think that we can control our nature, as if we are only strong within ourselves. How far do we need to fall before we realize that we aren't invincible? It's something worth thinking about, because if you're anything like me, you push the boundaries in so many situations because you think you can handle it.

Wake up! You can't.

And neither can I.

God continually teaches me through my disregard for His desires, and my own selfish endeavors. He keeps calling me back to the truth and to the cross. I often have to be reminded of the greatest sacrifice in order to accomplish my own.

It's hard to die daily, to what we want, and to our flesh.

But it's so very necessary, and so very critical.

God is pruning me, showing me what to cut from my life in order to grow. But I fight, like any spoiled child, and I find it so hard. But then I remember His heart...how He would do anything for me,

how he has done everything for me.

And I digress...and go back to the garden, remembering the way He had planned for us and what we brought upon ourselves.

I want joy; I want love; I want the garden.

And all that really means is that I want God. It helps to remember how simple it all really is.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 66: The Christmas Story

So, I didn't end up blogging on Christmas day...so here's another double. Man, I'm getting kind of sloppy! :) As long as I get you what God is showing me, though, I'm okay with it. So, in memory of the Christmas story...the true one, that is, this blog is just going to feature the entire story, knitted together from the gospels of Luke and Matthew.

At the Christmas Eve service, I was struck mightily by the way that the Christmas story ties together, reaching it's climax in the birth of Jesus.

If God has taught us anything, it's that He can do anything, which is evidenced wholly by the sacrifice that is Jesus.

He has saved us through His son. Remember with this story:

http://www.hespeaksinthesilence.com/2011/12/the-christmas-story/

Day 65: For Your Glory

Tonight was amazing. I had the opportunity to spend time with awesome kids at the 8pm Christmas Eve service, and then had an awesome time attending the 11pm service with two of my favorite people.

Such a blessing :)

But, after I finished working with the kids at the 8, I had a bit of time to myself. I spent it reading through some psalms, and then felt the need to write something. During this season, we remember the birth of our Savior, and an overwhelming feeling of thanks came over me. So, in my journal, I wrote this letter to God with everything that is on my heart.

So, that's my blog for Christmas Eve, just these thoughts to God from my journal...

In Christ,

Lilia

------------------------------

Lord, you have so protected my heart. Too many times, I've let it fall to pieces everywhere but in Your hands – the only place that it could ever be whole. Thank you for keeping me in Your way and for reminding me that You are always after my joy.

You are no stranger to struggle, or pain, but You are love, embodied, and in that I find the deepest satisfaction possible. Help me to love You more everyday and to find the fullness of my worth in You. You have brought me through the thick of it all, into your light, and for Your glory.

The fractured heart I laid before You is now stitched together with Your compassion, mercy, and grace. You are the lifeline that enables it to beat; the rhythm reminds me that life is fragile, but that You are so good for giving me the gift of living.

You laid down Your life that I may live, that we all may live.

Thank you.

And, now, we celebrate Your birth – the beginning of Your earthly plan for your son, the most sacred sacrifice. Let our worship be pleasing, and may our actions be the same, as we celebrate who you are, holy and perfect.

Thank you for teaching me what it means to live life intentionally, knowing that Your purpose is always for our good.  Thank you for your glory.

Love you forever,

Lilia

Day 64: Do All You Can, And Then Love

It feels good to know that you've done your best.

After a tough basketball game, or a round of policy debate (I loved being an nerthlete in high school, you know, one that is both a nerd and an athlete), I loved knowing that no matter what the outcome, I gave everything I had.

Today, I felt that way again, but on a much bigger scale...on a grown up scale.

The downside was that it was difficult, heart-wrenching, and something I didn't want to leave in someone else's hands.

As I was driving to work, I finally connected (via handsfree blue tooth, of course) with one of my friends who is going through a divorce. My friend neglected to tell me, and so I had to find out from the other party (of whom I am also friends with). I was devastated for them, somewhat because I was there from the beginning of their relationship, and watched it unfold, but mostly because I know that God's heart is for marriage, and not against it.

I was also incredibly hurt that my friend hadn't said anything to me. I've known this person for almost six years, yet I received nothing.

So we talked, and I said my peace about what I knew to be true, which is what God says in His word about love, about marriage. His heart for marriage is like His heart for what His son did on the cross. Marriage is about sacrifice, and like Jesus sacrificed himself and his desires for us, his bride, we are called to do the same for the one who we give our vows too.

I'm not married, and I claim no experience, but that doesn't mean that the truth isn't obvious in God's love letter to us, the bible.

And my friend listened, and apologized, and I accepted because I have been forgiven by God for everything I have done. As I noted in an earlier blog, it's easy to forgive when you remember how much you have been forgiven...

So, going back to what I started this blog with...I feel like I've done all that I can, and although the situation is terrible, I feel good. Free will is something that God gave us, and isn't something that we should take away from one another. However, we are called to keep each other accountable when we take a path that seems to jeopardize what we have with Christ...so, today, I did that. I spoke what God put on my heart, and now I will live with it. 

And so will my friend.

God is teaching me to value His word, even when others don't, and to be willing to bring truth to someone, in love, when they need it.  And, though I have spoken in disagreement of my friends decision, my love for my friend has not, and will not ever, diminish.

I love my friend with all the love that God has given me, and I will be there for my friend no matter what happens because God calls us to love unconditionally, and forever.

In other words, do all you can...and then love.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 63: The Lord is My Shepherd

 As I sit here, listening to Dark Side of the Moon while eating chocolate chip pancakes and sipping iced tea, I can't help but be grateful for what God has done for me. I know my struggles, and in my life there are so many uncertainties.

So why is it then, that all I can do is smile when I think about my life?

It's just Jesus, honestly.

For so long, I've been focused on achievement, on making something of myself. And here I sit, with a bachelor's and a master's degree, essentially having done all the “right things,” but still being rejected from positions for having done too much. I don't mind working any job, so it's frustrating when people tell me I am far too overqualified to do this, or to do that. I just want to work with kids. I don't care if I'm the actual teacher, or if I'm just an assistant.

It's such a simple desire that I have, but it's overshadowed by technicalities and politics like everything else.

The world is so backwards sometimes.

That's what I love so much about Jesus. He is so straightforward, and with Him, I know that my good is always at the forefront of what He wants for me. He doesn't want to confuse me, or reduce me to my struggles. He wants to know me, to love me, and to encourage me.

There is peace in that, in knowing that even though I'm not where I want to be in life, I'm exactly where He has me for a reason. I know I just wrote about this a couple blogs ago, but it's just been so relevant for me lately and so encouraging.

I am so blessed by Him. I have a HUGE, loving family (who I miss so crazy much), great friends who are always there for me, a job with coworkers I love, a substituting job at a school with kids and teachers that I absolutely adore, and so much more.

God has been so gracious with me, even when I've done nothing to deserve it. Mercy & grace are his specialties.

And, even though this is technically supposed to be the blog for yesterday (since I had wayyy too much fun lat night with a friend and his family, and didn't have time to write), I want to end my blog with today's psalm. It's psalm 23, and when I was thinking of what to blog about, I immediately thought to read the psalm of the day just to see if maybe it would resonate with what was on my heart for this blog...and of course it did :)

Psalm 23 is a popular one, and for good reason. It talks about surrendering our lives to God and knowing that His love will follow us the rest of our lives. He is teaching me to let go, and let Him, because He is faithful.

Psalm 23

    A psalm of David.
 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
 3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
   for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
   through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.
 5 You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.






In Christ,






Lilia

Day 62: Daughters of Jersualem

Sisters,

This is my open letter to you. THANK YOU for being an encouragement to me, for taking the time to tell me that you love me, that you think I'm beautiful, for reminding me of my worth in Jesus, for letting me know that you are praying for me, and for all the times that you stop what you're doing to pray with me right away.

I can't thank you enough.

There are too many women in our world who don't have this kind of experience, and maybe don't have women in their lives who are always ready with an encouraging word and selfless hearts. This is where we step in, where you step in.

You are loved; you are a daughter of Jerusalem, of the living God. You were made in the image of a creator, fearfully and wonderfully, and we need to share that love with women who don't know what it feels like.

Growing up without a father, my issues with men stemmed deep within my heart. How to love, how to be loved, how to encourage, how to be encouraged...all these things were lost on me. I didn't know how to receive or express love adequately until God stepped in and redeemed my story. He is unfailing love, and now that I know that, it tears me apart to see women struggling with who they are, and where they fit in society.

God has put it on my heart recently, through a series of random events, to really pray more for women who don't know their worth. So, ladies, please join me and step out in faith for these women. I know that, about a month ago, God called me to send a message to a girl I have never even met. Even worse, she is the ex girlfriend of a friend of mine who I used to have feelings for.

How awkward is that?

But God was clear in His message, almost unusually clear. His message was simple: tell her what she means to me; tell her that I love her, and that she is beautiful to me. I was blown away, mostly because I was afraid of the repercussions. What would she say? Would she say anything? Would she write back a scathing response?

I didn't receive anything back, and I am okay with that, because I know I did what He called me to do, and sometimes all we are to do is encourage. I don't know where that woman is at now, but I do know that God is pursuing after her so much, and cares deeply about her. And, I also know, that whatever we do or do not have in common, we are daughters and sisters in Jesus Christ.

That bond crosses all boundaries.

And so, I am learning to pray for women to know their worth, and who they are founded in. I pray for healthy relationships with other women to encourage and sharpen each other.

Tonight, I received a text message (which happens fairly frequently) from my friend Cynthia. She is so good and letting the women in her life know that she is praying for them, and I want all of us to be that for each other. Jesus shines so surely through her, and I am so blessed by that.

Send that text message, and give that hug. Speak a kind word, or just listen to what another woman has on her heart.

As we wait for what God has for our own lives, seek ways to encourage women, so that we can constantly enjoy the glory that is in Jesus through our fellowship.

I love you from the very bottom of my heart,

Lilia

Day 61: The Quick & Dirty Gospel

 What a long, beautiful, long, draining, long, and fun day :)

Getting to the 6 am bible study this morning made me happy. Not only did I get to have the day off, but it started jumping right into the word. AND, as a bonus, my friend Sonia visited from her mission in Mexico and so we went out to breakfast afterward. I love her!

So many blessings!

But, since it had been a while since I had been at bible study, I was unsure of where we would be in the word. It was nice to find that today marked the beginning of the Gospel of Mark...the quick and dirty gospel, as I like to call it. Mark moves at breakneck speed, compared to the other gospels, and I've always been strangely interested by that.

Mark's gospel starts out immediately reaching for the Hebrew scriptures as he introduces John the Baptist, who will come out of the wilderness to signal the coming messiah, Jesus. Mark's gospel also immediately places Jesus in sonship, meaning that he links Jesus as the son of God in the New Testament to the prophecies of his person in the Hebrew scriptures. Isaiah, Ezekiel, Joel...Jesus is everywhere!

Mark makes sure that his readers see the continuity of Jesus' story, from beginning to end, and I love it.

We focused on this fact, and also zeroed in on the character of John the Baptist, who was one of the greatest men who ever lived, and the man who baptized Jesus. John was called to do a great work in baptizing, but we discussed how he didn't worry about what he knew or didn't know as he went about what he was called to do.

Isn't that exactly the opposite of how we function? It's at least the opposite of the way I work.

I want to know exactly what is expected of me, for the most part, before I jump in and attempt to do something. However, John focused on what Gd told him to do and did it. He baptized in accordance with God's will and wasn't distracted by his concerns of if he was, or was not, capable. He was faithful, just like God is.

What a crazy concept!

And, not only did we talk about his willingness to follow what he was called to, but we talked about the simplicity in which he lived. I mean...locusts and wild honey? That is hardcore! We live in a society that demands us to have more when we really don't need any of it. I have so much that I don't need, and only recently am I starting to notice that. I just made a picture display of my favorite Haiti photos in my room to remind me how there can be joy in a life of simplicity.

John the Baptist led a simple life, so why can't I?

The simpler our lives are, the more effective we can be.

The less distractions, the more focus.

Selah.

After we covered simplicity, we focused on the reason why John was baptizing in the first place. He wasn't baptizing for salvation, but for repentance and in acknowledgement of the need for a savior. This is when we talked about repentance, and how it doesn't merely mean that you're sorry, or that you feel bad.

True repentance means changing your mind, and stepping away from what you've been doing.

It's not only acknowledging your mistake and your sin, but it's taking steps to change it.

Sadly, I think I mostly stop at the acknowledging part, and sometimes continue on in my sin. It's easier to feel like I've repented if I simply point out my struggles. But, changing my mind? Trying to actually fix my problems? Psh, that's another thing all together.

Silly! Ridiculous!

We are called to not only change our minds in repentance, but to renew them.

We need to rely on the spirit, and acknowledge our need to be saved. It doesn't matter how intelligent, beautiful, or articulate you are, if you are not reliant on the Spirit, you will not be fulfilled.

As Brian put it, the question is not, “do you have the Holy Spirit?” but, “does the Holy Spirit have you?”

Live in simplicity, and willingness to do what God has for you without distracting yourself with minor details. And, live in genuine repentance, changing and renewing your mind in light of your sin.

Never forget your need for Jesus; He is Lord, Master, Teacher, and Savior.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 60: The Balancing Act

I hate that in-between feeling. You know, that feeling of being half-hearted, half-dedicated, half caring about certain situations, and/or relationships with people. Lately, my heart has been troubled about how to reach out to a friend who I feel so distant from. I've not only been worried about what I'll have to say, but the manner in which I'll say it.

I'm so in-between caring, and not...between being disappointed and angry because I don't understand what my friend is doing, or where she is coming from.  And, on the surface, I'm incredibly upset with the way she has handled so many situations.
 

But, in a way, I feel like so much could've been avoided with simple communication from both sides.  And then I think on all of the mistakes I've made, and remember that we are all human...flawed, imperfect.

I feel like God is testing my ability not only for patience, but for mercy and grace. I need to trust that His spirit will work, and not worry about how I factor into everything. So often, I feel responsible for the choices that others make, and feel the need to bring them back to God. But, while that is the case sometimes, it is also necessary for me to realize that only the Spirit can truly call a person back to righteousness and convict us in our sin.

I pray for mercy, grace, and clarity....over, and over, and over again.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 59: The Way

As sad as it is to say, I have to be honest: the last couple of weeks I've had issues with the sermon at church. Let me clarify: nothing was wrong with any of these messages, but there was something wrong with me...I was zoned out and lost for parts of each message, checking in and out at my own convenience. Even now, looking back, I'm not really sure what was going on there.

But, today brought me back.

God brought me back, like He always does.

Our study on the Sermon on the Mount came to an end today, as we finished up Matthew chapter 7. The incredible teacher that Jesus is, he ends this passage of teaching warning us about being pulled away from the gravity of His love, commands, and teachings.

The first warning outlined is one that most Christians are aware of, as it discusses how we are not called to take the wide and easy gate that leads to destruction, but instead to choose the narrow path to life that few seem to find. Is Jesus trying to trick us? Why is the path so narrow?

The path is narrow because the world is not after our joy. If it was, it would care more about us rather than letting us unleash our wild desires and passions for things that could harm us. Of course there is more room on a journey that requires less of us, which is exactly why I think so many people end up taking it. This is a struggle that I've faced for many years in my walk with Jesus, and something that still pops up from time to time. I become so enraptured with what the world has for me, that I forget what God has for me, and I stumble into the wide gate to death.

But then He calls me back, and I return, because Jesus is the way, and if I'm not following Him, I know that I'm following a hollow life.

John Mark mentioned that the gate is a metaphor for our culture that we live in. Are we letting ourselves fall into what our culture says is acceptable? He used the example of being single and looking at what the world says we should chase after versus what Jesus tells us.

The world says that sex is what we need, and that promiscuity is normal. Why not share your body with someone else to feel good? It's carnal, and we are human...give in. Sadly, I've believed that lie, and I've given in before. I am guilty of the lust that this world taught me was natural. JM also said, “Lust is using another person to satisfy your needs,” and I almost fell apart. I not only felt convicted of this statement because I had done this to another person, but the feelings of having this done to me were heavy on my heart. Why had I done this...why had someone done this to me? The only answer is that we were both on the broken and wide path.

But, what Jesus teaches speaks volumes in the other direction. He calls us to purity, to loving one person completely for the rest of our lives. He calls us to beauty, and passion, within the context of marriage. Instead of teaching us to lust, or use others for our needs, he teaches us to love, which means sacrificing our lives for another person like Jesus sacrificed His at the cross.

Even if I wasn't a believer, I would choose having someone sacrifice for me, and being able to sacrifice for them, than using someone or having them use me. 

It's both the right, and intelligent, choice like Jesus.

In addition to the culture we live in, Jesus also calls us to watch for false prophets, or those wolves who are dressed in sheep's clothing. 

It's disheartening to think about it, but it's imperative to realize that within a congregation, you will have your sheep and you will have your wolves. Churches are a mixed bag, as JM put it, and so we need to see others for who they are and watch. Now, that doesn't mean we have to be “heresy hunters,” but we do need to be aware so that we are not pulled away from Jesus by the false messages of these wolves. And, Jesus is quick to tell us how to spot these people: look for their fruit.

Now, a while back when I used to go to the way (we're talking 4+ years ago), I noticed that as it was growing, it seemed to become something other than what was intended. And, when I discuss it with friends now, we all pretty much come to the consensus that it morphed into a meat market. There were people cycling in and out of it, mostly looking to pick off innocent sheep from the flock.
Some of the sheep resisted, but others were led to the slaughter, being taken away from the church and Jesus by a relationship, or lust, or anything else not of God.

I don't mean to be dramatic, but walking away from Jesus IS a life or death matter.
Trust me, I know.

And so Jesus teaches us to look for fruit in teachers, specifically. Look at their theology, teaching, doctrine, because fruit comes out of character. How are they living? What comes out of their lives?
And, I really liked what JM said about not trusting people who aren't willing to show their weaknesses, or “never trust a man until you can see his limp,” because it is true that people who can't admit what they struggle with are hard to figure out. If we are all believers and follow Christ, we need to be able to show what we struggle with while seeking fellowship and prayer. And so we need to observe the character of those who teach us, and look for transparency, so that we are not led astray.
We can't let false prophets pull us from The Way that is Christ.

Lastly, Christ tells us how to build our homes. JM shared an awesome story of his visit to Galilee, and how it becomes so hot there that the sand literally bakes and becomes “rock” solid. And so, people are tempted to build there homes on the stiffened sand, rather than dig deep to reach the solid bedrock. This easy route is what Jesus warns us about earlier, and is what leads to houses being ruined. If we set our hopes on sand, they will fall when the rains come. But, if we set ourselves on the solid rock that is Christ, we will be secure even when the storms come.

In essence, we are all builders – so what are we building our lives on? Building our lives on a rock is building obedience to Jesus. There is a difference between learning and becoming, and that is where the building comes into place. We can learn, and learn, and learn, but our lives will remain unchanged until we do something with what we've learned, until we become what we are learning...and become like Jesus.

Everyday it's a choice to obey and follow Jesus, and we need to actively make that choice. We can't listen, learn, and then not obey; it just doesn't make sense. 

JM mentioned in closing that his mind learns faster than his character can grow, and I realized that I'm just like that, too. I focus on learning so much that I pay attention only to what I know rather than making sure that I actualize it. I need to make sure that my character is growing alongside my learning, so that I am not learning for no reason.

JM ended the message with a reminder that Jesus is not only Lord and savior, but that He also teacher, something that we so often forget. 

He is most intelligent teacher that we could ever learn from...so why is it that we rarely mention his intelligence? 

Jesus is not only the “right” way, but He is the intelligent way. Sin is not only the “wrong” way, but it is the stupid way. 

So, avoid the wide gate, and false prophets, and be sure to build your house on the rock that is Christ.
Live your life in light of what you learn, and become what God is teaching you.


In Christ,



Lilia

Day 58: Desire

Today I read about Hezekiah. FINALLY, a man who seeks what God would have him do:

"This is what Hezekiah did throughout Judah, doing what was good and right and faithful before the LORD his God. In everything that he undertook in the service of God’s temple and in obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly. And so he prospered." 2 Chronicles 31: 20-21

This was an encouragement. There is a hope, as always, with God and what He can do for us and with us.

My day started off terribly, but here I am, in my onesie/footie pajamas thankful for the hope that I can overcome anything and everything. I can do the impossible through my God that gives me strength.

Be encouraged by Hezekiah and his willingness to seek God and work wholeheartedly. I pray for that kind of willingness and obedience to God, and for a desire to know Him more.

God is teaching me that I need Him in every aspect of my life, and I have to make the choice to choose him continually. Like a relationship between any two people, I have to consciously make an effort to pour into my desire to know God (through His word, prayer, fellowship, etc.) or it will fall apart like heartbreak between two lovers.

I want to hunger, thirst, and yearn for Him. Pray that I always choose to satisfy these desires instead of whatever desires the world sets before me.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 57: There Is A Place

When I first came to Oregon, I wasn't sure what to think. I knew I was stepping out of everything “normal” to me, yet I was so excited to be on my own. But, of course, there was always a desire to be somewhere that I felt comfortable, surrounded by people who knew me. I was blessed to find that in my friends that I made early on, and at the house of my dear friend Kristen, whose amazing family still invites me to Thanksgiving dinner even though we've been out of college for a few years.

These are the people who keep me grounded, and rooted in love.

What a blessing.

But, my friends have grown, gotten married, had children, and essentially moved on. Not in a bad way, but in a natural progression that my life hasn't taken yet. And, I can't go to Klamath Falls whenever I want, so of course it's disappointing to also miss out on that “family” that I have there.

Recently, I found a family in Haiti, and have been so blessed by each of them in my life. It's rare to connect with people so quickly, and to know that I could call on any of them for prayer or...anything, really.

But, tonight, a new “place” was cemented in my mind. In a warm living room, on cozy chairs and couches, I spent the night at the house of Mark and Brenda Mavromatis for a small get together for our friend, Chris, who is heading to Haiti in January.

I have been going to Mark and Brenda's house-church for about four months, and only when I wasn't working, so maybe only a handful of times. But, I immediately felt that feeling of family, that feeling of being comfortable.

I found another place, and the best part is that God completely led me there.

There is a place, now, that I know I can share my burdens and be refreshed by brothers and sisters. I know that Mark will share his wisdom and humor, and that Brenda will always have a word of encouragement for me, coupled with her own wisdom, and hugs!

I am not alone in this blessing, as I know that so many people have been poured into by these two. But, I'm so happy to know them. And, not only are they a blessing, but so are the people of our house-church. As I mentioned earlier, I haven't been there long, but I feel like I have.

And that is what the family of God is, after all. We are the Church, with a capital C. It goes beyond a place because the church lives in relationships with God and each other.

There is a place where I have found comfort, fellowship, and family.

I am refreshed, and I couldn't thank God more.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 56: What Matters

I love how God works.

Not all the time, if I'm honest, only because sometimes He works best when we are at our worst. But, I love when He takes our expectations and visions and shapes them to be glorifying to Him as opposed to ourselves.

So often, I build things up in my mind, only to be let down and wondering why God didn't show up. And then, maybe after some time, I see the beauty in what He was doing, even when I didn't notice at first.

My life has this story right now, a story of God taking my idea of what is “good” and “acceptable” and “successful,” and humbling me beyond belief.

In my younger years, I had plans.

I was going to be married by 24, so that I could have all of my kids before turning 30. Oh yeah, and don't forget the successful teaching career that I was going to have. I was also going to live in a house with a dog and be financially stable.

Obviously, I was wrong.

I'm 24, single, living with three roommates, and I had to give my dog up to my ex boyfriend's parents because living with them is the best option for him. Oh, and I work retail because I can't get a job doing what I truly love.

So, by my own standards that I've molded from my views on this world, I am a complete failure.

Thank God for reminding me of where I am by His standards.

He has shown me that I'm single because I'm not ready to be married, and because He needs to have my heart before anyone else even thinks of coming close to it.

I don't have children because if I can't love my first love, how would I ever be able to love a husband or have children?

I don't have a career, yet He has provided for me financially and has blessed me with a job, which is more than many others can say.

And He has given me wonderful people to raise my dog on a huge 6-acre farm where he is loved and taken care of.

Oh yeah, and He's saved me...from myself, bitterness, anger, loneliness, emptiness, etc.

I am where I am because He has me here. And, if there was ever a lesson on relying on Him, my life is it. I need to keep doing this, and even when I am weary, I need to remember that He is faithful and that His strength is perfect in my weakness. I say that all the time, but it's only because I need to learn to live that way.

So, if you have failed by the standards you have set for yourself, or whatever the world is telling you that you need to live by, make sure that you check where you stand with God. That is what really matters.

He is what really matters.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 55: We Three Kings

There I go again, almost falling asleep without blogging.

The shame!

Today was a really mellow day. I had a calm start to the day, and work was swell. I didn't really have any huge epiphanies, but I did get to spend my evening with some especially talented ladies...or should I say, “kings.”

Yes, for my roommate Alana's Christmas CD, she asked our friend Whitney and I to accompany her on the classic carol, “We Three Kings.”

We're all familiar with the story behind the carol, of the wise men who had a dream and followed the star that guided them to the birthplace of our savior, Jesus. Much abounds in various discussion of these wise men, or magi, or whatever else they've been called throughout the years, but the central idea is the same: these men came to honor the birth of Jesus.

The true meaning of this holiday season, and us singing this carol, is to shed light on the fact that Jesus was born. That's right, GOD took on human form all as a part of His plan to bring us salvation.

If that isn't enough reason to celebrate, I don't know what is.

And, sometimes, it's important to remember that it's enough to sing, to praise, to worship Him as king. I think that too many times we focus on doing so much that we forget how easy it is to just lift a song up to the Lord. In your car, in the shower, in front of thousands of people, don't be afraid to worship the Lord, your God, in song!!

God is showing me why the little song we sang is important, and why all the rest of the songs for this season are important. These songs mark the beginning of Jesus' earthly life, and begins the human story of our salvation.

It's a beautiful thing, and as I mix this song together and lay the finishing harmonies and tracks, I need to remember that God is glorified in all of it, and that He loves when we just take the time to praise Him.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 54: I Am Israel

My daily reading time has been so difficult lately. It's not for lack of time, but because it's tough to read over and over and OVER again how Israel failed, and how they turned away from God. Why is it so difficult, I wonder?

Maybe because when I look at these stories of Israel, I see myself.

I'm worrying so much about so many things, even though we JUST heard a message (not even 2-3 weeks ago) that told me not to worry, I am falling by the wayside far too often.

I think about where I'm going to live next year, and how I need to find a job that will make me more money so that I can do more than live from paycheck to paycheck.

And even though I am reminded in the word over and over and OVER again that God is provider, and has a plan, I still doubt.

I am the Israelite.

I build my own gods to meet my desires, and worship idols that the world gives me. When will I stop seeking the fake faithfulness of the world, and wait for the genuine glory that God wants through my life?

When, Israel...when?

When, Lilia...when?

God is teaching me to see myself for what I really am, from time to time, and is calling me to bear through what I sometimes find “boring,” to realize that the story of Israel is my story. The story of God calling his people to redemption is the story that He has in my life.

My good friend Cynthia sent me a verse today, and it couldn't have been more encouraging. It's Matthew 11: 28-30. Look it up, and be blessed. It is where Jesus tells us to go to Him, all of us who are burdened and heavy laden and He will give us rest.

I need that rest so much, and God is teaching me that although I am the Israelite in my doubt and my impatience, I am also the Israelite that is called to be a part of those that He has chosen.

I am redeemed, and I want to live like it.

Set your sight on the Lord, the hope of glory.

In Christ,

Lilia

Day 53: Blameless

This morning, my friend Nicole did what she always does: she updated her Facebook with a status about God. If I ever need encouragement, her Facebook is one that I go to specifically because I know there will be truth all over it!

Today, her status talked about reading Proverb 2, so I took it to heart and looked over it. Of course, I was blessed, and remembered how this proverb had always been one of my favorites. Over the course of the day, I didn't really think too much about it, but then on the way home from the airport (where I went to pick up my wonderful roommate, Kelsey), I started thinking of it again.

Lately, I've had a few people in my life who have needed encouragement, and advice, badly. Each time I have tried my best to direct them back to the Lord, but I always felt like there was something missing in what I was telling them. Then, thinking about Proverb 2, I remembered the simplest way (in my opinion) to follow, and be like, Jesus:

Be blameless.

While I was trying to counsel people who have been torn to pieces by people who they sincerely care about, and who are also believers, I neglected to share with them the plain fact that even though they may be wronged in a multitude of ways, we are called to be blameless. The Lord honors those whose way's are blameless before Him, and Proverb 2 helped me to remember that, when it says

“For the LORD gives wisdom;
   from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
7 He holds success in store for the upright,
   he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
8 for he guards the course of the just
   and protects the way of his faithful ones.

 9 Then you will understand what is right and just
   and fair—every good path.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart,
   and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
11 Discretion will protect you,
   and understanding will guard you.

God is a shield to those whose walk is blameless; praise Him. I realized that I needed not only to encourage my fellow brothers & sisters, but to remind them that God is not only a Healer, Comforter, and Savior, but He is also a shield for us when we are following Him and keeping our ways free from blame.

God is teaching, and challenging me to do this within my own life. Recently, I have discovered some built up distress that I have with people in my life, and some not-so-nice things I sometimes want to say. But then I remember mercy, and grace, and now the idea of being “blameless.”
God doesn't make it easy for us, but He makes it clear.

Love the Lord your God, and keep your ways blameless. He is honored when we live as sacrifices (Romans 12:1).


In Christ,
Lilia

Day 52: The Plank

There's nothing like realizing that there is something so wrong with you, and/or your way of thinking.

Today, I realized just how much this is true for me.

At church this morning, the message was about a passage most of us are familiar with in Matthew, where Jesus challenges us to remove the plank from our own eye before worrying about a speck of dust in our brother's eye. The concept behind this statement is so simple, yet it's something that has plagued me for years.

It is a constant challenge for me to check myself before I check someone else. AND, not only is this difficult for me, but I was also challenged by what is said in Matthew 7:1 where Jesus says not to judge, lest I myself be judged. However, the insight that Ian gave on this verse was interesting, as he noted that the judgement here means that we are not called to judge the essence of a person.

However, we are still called to weigh the actions of others, and to keep each other accountable.

This is when I discovered that so often, I am guilty of condemning the person instead of their actions. What I see is a person who is unrelenting, unrepentant, etc., and so I have no problem judging them. But, the problem is that I never realized that instead of judging solely what they were doing, or the sin, I was judging who they were as a person, or their essence.

It made me sick to think that I was guilty of doing this.

It was even worse when I realized that this happens on a fairly regular basis.

God taught me today to recognize this failure in my life, and is calling me to overcome it....which is a scary thing, mostly because I wasn't even aware how much it was affecting my life. But, that's what this blog is for...transparency, and an understanding of what God is doing in my life and trying to teach me.

Here goes nothing.

In Christ,

Lilia