Day 150: In This City

There are few feelings better than that of freshly washed skin. Without thinking, I enjoy my daily shower with little worry. I turn the faucet on for hot water and that is what I get. Refreshing, sometimes almost scalding, water greets me after a long day in the Oregon cold and rain. I watch the mud mix with the water, down the drain. I step out new, refreshed, and happy.

Then I remember that not everyone gets to feel this way. Not everyone is able to step into a shower after a long day and enjoy the feeling of being clean.

The thought sickens me.

Lately, so many things have felt out of my reach. There are so many things I want to accomplish, so much I want to do with my life, and so many ways that I want to help that I feel like everything is slipping through my fingers.

I wonder: am I doing enough in my life? Am I making any difference? Are people seeing Jesus in the way I live my life and the way I love others?

I'm scared to really answer those questions.

Going to Haiti marked a huge turning point in my life. The changed heart is there, but a changed life is so much more demanding.

Am I up to the challenge?

I think I've been spreading myself, and my heart, thin, trying to figure out where I need to serve, and what I need to do in my own life to ensure that I am helping to move the Kingdom forward.

I'm praying for specific direction in what places God would have me help his people. I already know He is growing in me a heart for missions, but I want to know what I should be doing in this city.

Lord, lead me....

In Christ,

Lilia