This runaway to the beach was the first of its kind for me. I've
never just been the person who hops in the car and drives away to a
beautiful place just to think.
I guess I am that person now.
Truthfully,
I didn't really know what to do with myself. I didn't really know how
to “seek” God. I drove out there, going back and forth between Achtung
Baby and Lungs, praying for something big to happen.
I'm not sure if it did.
When
I got to the coast, I immediately went to Cannon beach, even though my
room awaited me in Seaside. Out of the two, I prefer Cannon beach, so I
walked along the water, my stuffed manatee by my side and my camera at
the ready. I sat in the sand and read my bible. I looked out at
creation.
I wondered what, if anything, would happen.
I came
to discover that seeking the Lord really meant reading His word and
praying like my life depended on it. Neither of those come easily to me,
and so this wasn't the walk in the park I had hoped for. I didn't know
where to start in my reading, and so I started through the psalms.
By the end of the day, I decided that in the day and a half at the coast, I would go through all of the psalms.
Yep, all 150 of them.
And
so that's what I did. And along the way, God showed me how beautiful
His creation is. He also showed me what I was missing back home.
He
also gave me small gifts during my stay, like a random guitar player
named Josiah that just happened to be a disciple of Christ, and
worshiping loudly for all to hear. And Nick, a sweet guy that just
stopped during a bike ride to talk about life.
Blessings, in the most random of places.
Today,
I drove home, and stopped at a park to finish through the psalms.
Reading them over and over again, I saw the repetition in each of them.
The questions all became the same...how long, Lord? When will you save
us, Lord? They made me look at what I needed to ask God, and why.
The psalms are so raw, and that's why I find my lifeline within them.
Upon returning home, I wasn't sure what had happened. I wasn't aware if I had changed, or if I found what I was looking for.
And then I talked to my mom.
I
spoke with the most clarity I had in a while. And all of the things I
wrestled with God over in this past day and a half, I explained as if I
had a plan the entire time.
Only now am I realizing how shocked I am that I was able to adequately convey what I felt, or say it with such assurance.
God
taught me, in my short time away, that often we can find what we need
when we honestly seek Him...even if we are unsure what question to ask.
I
don't know what else will come of this trip, or if this is all I was
supposed to garner from it. Either way, God's word has held true for me
in the past, and is no different now.
In Christ,
Lilia
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