Day 94: Secrets

The fact that we are doing a series on anxiety and depression right when I need it is a real blessing. I wasn't really sure how I was going to handle this series as, for the most part, I didn't really feel anxious about too much in my life.

It's amazing how quickly that can change.

At church, JM's message centered on Psalm 42, specifically what happens to us when we allow sin and struggles in our lives to draw our souls into a downcast state. He mused on how anxiety and depression are the symptoms of a deeper, well rooted, problem, and how we can overcome and find joy in the Lord.

The most interesting part about the sermon, for me, was his focus on the act of confession.

When I was growing up, confession was something we were forced to do...as I attended a Catholic elementary school. We were taught that confessing sins to a priest would free you from them, as long as you did your penance, saying the Lord's prayer a few times, followed by countless hail mary's.

I was confused by the whole concept, and truthfully I still am (in the Catholic sense).

JM explained the act of confession as a means to overcoming anxiety and depression because he posed that sometimes (but, not always) our anxiety and depression are the result of some hidden sin, some secret that we have masterfully kept to ourselves in order to struggle alone.

We may hide out of shame, necessity, or because the sin may not even be our own.

I thought about my own life, and the secrets I've kept. For the most part, I was an open book. But, there were a few secrets that I kept, although none of them have rooted in me and produced an anxiety and depression or shame. They've mostly just been embarrassing things that I did during my childhood.

However, I've seen how keeping secrets can distance someone so greatly from God. And, along with taking a spiritual toll, JM also noted that sometimes these secrets can even cause the physical problems that we experience with depression and anxiety such as being tired or restless and feeling all achy in your bones.

Of course, just because you have these pains does not mean that there is some giant sin secret lurking within you...but maybe it does?

Have you ever thought that your secrets (not just your obvious sins) are the reason that you are so broken mentally and physically?

JM used the example of Psalm 32, which most scholars believe was written by David after his affair and sin with Bathsheeba. In this psalm, he describes how he feels after committing this sin in secret:

When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away

through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.

Feeling disconnected from God through this secret, his physicality and spirituality are both affected. In the next part of the psalm, he explains his move to confession:

Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD.”
And you forgave
the guilt of my sin.

After David confesses to the Lord, he quickly receives the Lord's forgiveness. He allows the Lord to heal him.

If David can do this, why can't we? Why do we keep our sins to ourselves, hoping that maybe we can overcome them without actually confessing them? Why do we keep the greatest physician from doing what He can to heal us?

JM noted that we should have no secrets. There should be nothing that we are going through alone. I love how he said that there should be no struggle we are going through that doesn't have someone coming alongside and encouraging us, reminding us that we are forgiven through Christ.

For David, he knows what it is to waste away in his secret, to admit and confess his wrong doing to the Lord, and how to turn back to God in praise while encouraing others to do the same:

Therefore let all the faithful pray to you
while you may be found;
surely the rising of the mighty waters
will not reach them.
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.
Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD’s unfailing love
surrounds the one who trusts in him.
Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Just within this psalm we see David go from achy bones, and misery, to joy.

And, what happens in the middle?

Confession.

Don't be afraid to confess to Christ, to your brothers and sisters, and to yourself. If you are carrying around secrets that are causing you to be anxious and depressed, seek out fellowship and share your burdens. The only way you can be healed is by bringing it all before the Lord, into the light, and allowing God to heal.

From confession comes healing, and from healing comes rejoicing.

In Christ,

Lilia