Day 93: When It Rains, It Pours

We've all heard the saying: “when it rains, it pours.” And, if you're an Oregonian, you know this truth firsthand. Lately, I've been poured down on with blessings. But, in these blessings, I've been searching/seeking/pray for perspective...especially the divide between loving Oregon and returning to Hawaii.

Walking through puddles to church this morning, I realized how much I enjoy living in Oregon.

I can honestly say that this is one of God's best pieces of creation.

The trees, the cold, the mountains, the rain. Everything is so alive. Everything is evidence of God's perfect timing and perfect creation.

I realized how I've always been torn as to who I am. When I'm here, I'm a Portlander. I love my coffee, appreciate the humor (if nothing else) of hipster culture, and enjoy the outdoors. I've done OMSI, Powell's Books, snowboarded on Mt. Hood, and ran amok through forest trails and the waterfalls of Multnomah and Eagle Creek.

I also walk in the rain with – wait for it – no umbrella! :)

This place is so wonderful and where I want to be, but then I think of “home.”

I remember where I came from, my roots. I remember my bloodline, what it means to be Hawaiian, and the mentality that comes with living on an island. I remember the insane beauty that God has captured in the state of Hawaii.

But, I can't remember what it feels like to be from there. It's going to be something to re-learn all over again.

All I know is that if I was anchored in who I am in this world (be it Portland, or Hawaii), I would be so utterly lost.

It really helps to be anchored in a God who created both, and who knows exactly who I am. As long as I am rooted in Christ, I know I will find peace wherever I go.

Having said that, I've been wondering lately why I'm going back home. Why is God sending me there? Doesn't he know what my desires are?

Doesn't He know I'm not ready?

And that's when I really thought about my life up here. For six years, I have been fighting for and against what I believe, battling with God for my soul, happiness, joy, trust.

It's been six years of Him pruning, blessing, taking, preparing.

In my reading today, I stumbled upon this verse in Psalm 22, and I felt incredibly encouraged by it. It encapsulates what I feel like my mission is going to be when I go home:

“I will declare your name to my people;
   in the assembly I will praise you.”

• Psalm 22:22

I am going home to many people who know the Lord, but not many who choose to follow Him daily. For a long time, I've been running away from all of that because it's too difficult, too messy, too hard.

I think God is coaxing me to stand firm for what I believe in, and to share Him in a way I never have before. I believe that He is calling me to declare His name to my people, my family, my friends, back home in Hawaii. Amidst them, I will give Him praise.

I am so excited for this opportunity.

I am so scared about this opportunity.

When you are so obviously imperfect, it seems impossible to show people who God is. But, when we are open with our imperfections, and reveal our need for a savior, God is glorified through our lives.

He is teaching me that He has prepared me to be a living sacrifice and example. I am praying for His grace as I prepare to step out of my comfort and into the unknown.

It's time to be a hearer, and a doer.

In Christ,

Lilia