Day 116: The "Needs" Filler

Lately, I’ve been what I would call a needs-filler.

Instead of being able to bring life, passion, and God’s glory into the lives of other people, I have been content merely giving them what they need, or what I think they need.  Sometimes, it’s because it’s all I’m willing to give, and other times, it’s because they only want what they need from me.

In many relationships in my life, I am unwilling to give everything.  I am unwilling to give freely and gladly, keeping everything worthwhile to myself.  I know that there are friends of mine who need more than I am giving, but for some reason, I am unable to give them more. 

There is a word for this: selfish.

And then, in some relationships, I am ready to give everything I have, only to find that the person doesn’t want any of it, or only wants to choose certain parts of it to embrace, while discarding the rest.

There is a word for this: pathetic.

So I am caught in the middle, wondering how I am able to give so much and hold so much back at the same time.  I’m wondering how my actions affect the people closest to me, and how my willingness, or unwillingness, to give, affects them.

Do those that need more even realize that I’m not giving them everything I have?

Do those that have everything even realize that they are sucking me dry of everything I have to give?

And of course…the most important question:  what does God have to say about this?

The bible is so clear about what we are supposed to give up in our lives (the cost of the Way), in order to follow Jesus, and it is no different when it comes to how we are supposed to treat each other.

Amidst the entire list of what we are called to share in as a part of community (admonishing, praising, encouraging, singing to each other in psalms, carrying each other’s burdens, rejoicing, praying, etc.), everything can all be summed up in one great truth that Jesus shares with us in John’s gospel:

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”  John 15:13

I am called to love all of my friends as much as I can, and completely.  I am called not only to surrender my life to Jesus, but to lay it down for all of those that I am in community with.  I can’t keep offering everything I have to some friends, only to shun others that may be in the same need. 

And, while all of this is true, I’m not silly enough to think that it will be easy.  It’s always easier said than done.  There are some friends who are difficult to love, and some that are very good at taking advantage of my love (even if they aren’t aware of it).  

God is teaching me that I need to be aware of loving Him first, and then allow His love to overflow in other relationships that I have in my life.  He is showing me that all of my friends need my everything, and not just a select few.

He chose to die for everyone, and has good worked out for all of those who are willing to choose Him.

I have to remember that I must love all because He first did.

In Christ,

Lilia