Day 110: Coming and Going

It's sometimes fun to see how God confirms certain things in our lives. When I felt God's pull back home to the islands, I was immediately hesitant and needed much confirmation to make the move. But every time I talked to someone about it, their face gave away what they were thinking:

You can't leave!

Now, this was something I wasn't necessarily expecting. But, it seemed to confirm what I was already feeling from God. He showed me that I had made the impact I was hoping to make in my time up here. For a long time, I was separated from having any fellowship with a church family because I was shuffling between two churches, and walked away completely at one point.

God has shown me what true fellowship is like, which is something I desperately needed.

And, after expressing that to people, they realize how good God is, and that even though it's tough for me to leave, it's an exciting adventure as well.

It is so encouraging to hear people say that they will miss me, but that they know God has worked on me, equipped me, and prepared me for what is about to happen.

Six years ago, no one would have said this of me.

In my fear of returning home, my heart has been on a roller coaster, wondering if/when I will finally plateau and then ultimately drop. In the past few days, I've felt peace come over this decision, and even though most people still express sadness in the fact that I'm leaving, they are quick to say that it is clear what God is doing.

It is clear that God is in this.

And so I am realizing that I have learned a thing or two on the journey that God has taken me on while up here. I am not perfect, by any sense of the word, but God has developed my heart and mind into a much more mature person than I was before. Whenever we hear that He will not give us anything we're not prepared for, it often seems to be too good to be true.

I am seeing how I'm living proof of that.

Without God, I would not be ready to return home. And, I believe that it is because of His plan that I have acquired such a deep love and passion for Oregon and the people I've met. I feel like He has prepared me, and shown me how to love, so that when I go home I can be the woman He has shaped me to be, instead of who I was before I came to Oregon.

I look back on that sad girl and it makes me laugh.

I'm still a mess, but by the grace of God I've come farther than I thought possible...and He's still spurning me on to seek Him, be more like Him, and to completely fall in love with Him.

God is teaching me that these years, and this love I have for my life now, has not been developed in vain. He is teaching me that these six years have been practice for the very real tests ahead.

It's the destination AND the journey.


In Christ,
Lilia