Day 78: His Name Is Hope

“I did everything right, so why is it all going wrong?”
I selfishly asked myself that a few days ago. Looking at where I am in life, I couldn't be more dissatisfied. I work a barely-above-minimum-wage job doing something I borderline detest just to make ends meat. I have lived my life by the book, so to speak. I went to school; I earned good grades; I have a bachelor's AND master's degree for goodness sake.
And then I realized...that's a whole lot of I's.
In my life, I've guarded everything I've accomplished in my own hands. My independence always seems to get the best of me, especially when I know that I have better things, in a sense, to do. I want to force pieces of the puzzle into place when I don't even know that the bigger picture is; and that's what my life is now.
I've come to a crossroads, of sorts, between remaining full time at the position I have now, or choosing to go back to a part time position in order to mostly retain my sanity, and hopefully find another part time job that will help me to live more than from paycheck to paycheck. But, the thing is, when I came to this decision, I took over.
I thought about it; I called my mom to talk it over. And, of course, who was the last to hear about it? God.
On the way home, I found myself distraught that I had done this...how could I keep this from Him, how could I let myself pretty much come to a conclusion without even consulting the God who gave me this job as a blessing when I had nothing?
So, on the way home, I prayed...crying, and speaking in a really soft voice, whispering as if I was sitting with God as a small child, and telling him my deepest and darkest secrets. I asked Him to speak to me, to tell me what he thought. I said I was sorry for bringing everything to Him so late in my thought process. I prayed to hear Him.
I heard nothing.
And I feel like I've still heard nothing.
So, I asked for the advice of friends that are centered in Him, and will continue praying, remembering that He hears me and has only good for me.
I've been remembering how many names He has: prince of peace, servant king, the great I AM. But for me, right now, His name is hope.
I know I can hope in Him, amidst my silly struggles and the reality that I'm still learning how to ask for His direction in my life.
His name IS hope.



In Christ,






Lilia